Just when I thought I had completely surrendered ...

No, I guess I really haven't. But I do feel like I'm on my way, moving in the right direction. I haven't lost any weight since I was last here. And my eating has been so completely out of control. But I am watching the pattern, starting to understand why and when and how I eat.

I believe I still have more to learn, a lot. I know it's about being fit (not thin), nourishing my body with the proper foods ... eat to survive, not survive to eat.

I know it all, but here I am, still holding on to my will. Sort of in shock, a little, ... this has been my way of eating my entire life ... eat whatever and whenever I want. Sometimes exercise. Sometimes eat well. Sometimes train for and complete a marathon. But mostly, reward and comfort myself with food.

I want to surrender completely. I'm going to start thinking in terms of "just for today" or "one hour/minute/meal at a time". Because looking past today is too overwhelming, feels so ridiculously overwhelming, like a joke.

Just for today. I will eat well.

Please add me as a friend and let's support each other. I need to make friendships, not just connections. I need to know that I am not alone, that I have others supporting me, who understand exactly what I'm going through. I need to get out of my own head and to be able to help others in return.