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October 30, 2013

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

My son fell asleep last evening as I was reading a Dr. Seuss book...thought it fitting to add a little Seuss to my morning post.

Found this quote kind of soothing this morning. I am proceeding down a path of great change today. I am a potluck of spirituality...I was raised lutheran, I attended 12-step meetings, I enjoy most of the new-age authors...so I say take what you can utilize and leave the rest. I had to be willing to make the changes needed in my life for me in order to have the blessings that were waiting behind the curtain.

I released some habits earlier this month that were impeding 'my' process. I had to be honest with myself. I love wine. I loved the warm feeling it gave me. However...when it inhibits your ability to close your mouth and you end up eating a plate full of nachos that probably totaled 5,000 calories...then maybe it is time to say I can give this up God...with your help if you promise me there is a blessing in it. Oddly enough...there was a 10 lb. blessing.

I am on anti-depressant medication...I should have never touched the vino in the first place. I would always rationalize...that is what a person does when they have a personality that wants to do anything other than deal with life head-on. I rationalized for years about food, spending, alcohol...you name it...I had an excuse for why I was the terminally unique one.

I was married to a man who had addiction issues and I attended Al-Anon for years. I had attended OA early on...back in the late 1990s; early 2000s. My main addiction is food...that is what I would run to...but if you don't do what is required of you and face what needs to be faced you turn to something else when you are trying to stop the main comfort. I turned to spending in my 20s and then alcohol in my 30s.

Awareness is the first step. Not lying to myself is the key. October 2013...I stopped the rationalization...that is the only way I was going to change. And...it was very chaotic the first few days. I was on facebook asking my friends if they new of any good herbal teas to help me emoticon

I also scheduled an appointment with my MD to change my medication as it was causing me too much anxiety. He placed me on something else that helped with both the depression and anxiety aspect...and he gave me a referral to a therapist...and told me that most likely I turned to some of these items as a result of the anxiety so the medication may help...but would need to check in with someone else regarding behavior modification.


The new for me now is my nightly ritual of a big pot of teavana herbal tea. Taking my son and my dogs on a long walk. Being accountable to my tracking...and being completely honest with it. I am becoming a better parent. How good can one be at first grade math with a glass of chardonnay in her hand...I am calling the referral my MD gave me today. I may even go back and try OA or AA...I picked up the food stuff many moons ago...probably at 19 when I had to be a good girl and be a mom at the same time...back then I did not drink. My chardonnay had become what they referred to back in the 70s as mommy's little helper...well this mommy is going to try a healthier road this year. Blessings. emoticon
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  • 922012
    Good for you in listening to that little voice inside you that said let's try an modify this behavior for the good.

    I know you'll do this! Wishing you much success as you continue on your journey to becoming the healthiest you can be.
    2527 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    Wow! This was so honest. I really have to applaud you. I gave up drinking many years ago - I really never even liked the taste of alcohol but it calmed my nerves or I thought it did. I thought I would miss it more than I did. The same thing with smoking. Now if I can just conquer the eating addiction. Seeing that I did the others I should be able to do this. So can you. emoticon
    2527 days ago
  • CANDIFL
    It sounds like you have been through soooo much, but are on a good path to meet your goals. Way to go! emoticon
    2527 days ago
  • MTAL203
    You are stronger than you think you are - and you can do this! Wishing you the very best of luck as you journey through this. Don't be afraid to call on your sparkfriends for support when you need it. That's how this works - we help each other! Good Job!
    2527 days ago
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