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Here we go again, the night time voice in my head

Saturday, January 11, 2014

This is relatively new for me, been happening for a few months now. At night the negative thoughts come to visit. Not the how am I going to pay this bill or that bill? Not thoughts of I have to do such and such tomorrow and am dreading it. I can handle that no problem. Quick to come up with solutions to those worries, might nit be fixed right away but I know the plan of attack right away. These are fears about my health, which leads me to being afraid I am becoming a hypochondriac as well. I am working on a plan to be able to see a doctor to get my fears addressed but that can take minimum I am figuring about another 6 months till I can see a doctor about them. That is as long as nothing interrupts my plan to get there. First step get my divorce, I can have my share of the money in two weeks, if I have to cover it all it will take about another month to get the money I need together for the divorce, then comes filing, we both have to go down and file together for the simplest and cheapest divorce. Than you have to wait and get a court appearance. This all takes time, more time for my mind to ruminate in areas that are hard for me to deal with. Ugh. Till I can get this all done, I will continue to watch what I eat, and even afterwards since this a lifestyle change not a diet. Will continue to exercise at levels my body says it can deal with, Now when I get sick I do go to the walk-in clinics and make sure I get medicine if I have infections or such. But that is not the same as having a primarcy care physician who gets to know you and your history and such. Needless to say I can't afford 100 dollars for the office and another 250 for minimal lab work and another 100 for another lab they want done. I can;t really afford the 100 for the office visit but when sick I will go. There are many places you can get the antibiotics for 1-10 dollars. I will get there, the day will come when I can fully see where I stand in my health but it is going to take time and till I get there I will have fears to deal with almost every night. and it is only at night the fears really hit me hard.

Keeping a positive attitude takes work, and I know that I am working on making myself healthier. Just keep moving forward and everything will work itself out. One day at a time. one step at a time. Next thing you know those days and steps add up and you reach your goal.
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