Totally Rambling

It's funny how I can be at such a good place and suddenly lose it without knowing why. Why did I stop tracking my food? Why this and why that? I was loving everything about sparkpeople, but suddenly I stopped sparking altogether. Now I just can't seem to get back where I was. The thought of spending so much time at the computer is daunting. How did I do it for all that time?

I feel adrift.

For about 6 weeks, I totally got off program. No tracking, no exercise, eating everything in sight, no sparking. I felt guilty the whole time, but not enough, I guess. Now I've been slowly pulling myself back into the program I loved, but it's all different this time. Why? I liked things the way they were.

I've changed. My life has had minor changes and they've changed everything else! Nope. I don't like it. I yearn for the old days of tracking and sparking. Well, I'm back to tracking and sparking, but in a different way. Can I love this new and different thing?

What's so bad about this new stuff?
1. I'm being inconsistent with measuring and tracking my food. In the past, I think I went a little crazy with the tracking. I "ruled" myself to death! I rarely ate food others prepared because I didn't know the calorie content and when I did, I felt guilty. So can I learn to be ok with inconsistency? That's a hard one for me. I'm an all-or-none kind of person. I feel like a fence-rider.

2. I miss the teams and message boards I participated in. There's only one cure for that, Emily!

I'm using this blog as my journal today. I've thought, typed, deleted. I'm trying to figure this out.
I WAS able to name 2 sources of my discomfort. that's a start.