1-99 SparkPoints 56

I Hit A Wall!!

Monday, February 03, 2014

I know I have hit a wall because of the following things:

1. I have gained back all the weight I lost faster than I can say scale overload!
2. I am not exercising. I really can't count trips to the bathroom and the kitchen as exercise!
3. I am eating everything I can get my hands on and none of it is healthy!
4. I have a "I don't give a damn" attitude. Sorry for the curse word. I don't usually do that but the situation warranted it. I had to call it like it is.
5. I have been hiding out from my accountability partner. Okay so let me say that I have not completely hidden from her but I have not really talked about my eating and lack of exercise in a LONG time (other than a few good days). I have also kept to sporadic chats to avoid the subject.
6. I got on some stupid high horse thinking that I didn't need SP to get this thing done - No tracking and no community = NO BUENO!

I think you get the picture! I see today that I have been a member for SP for 637 days of which I have logged in 459 (72%) but in the last several months, I have only been logging in to get points as something to do. It wasn't as all to be truly active.

I have lost and gained the same 6 pounds for months now. I have sat like a frump, depressed and acting like there was no way out of this crazy track I seem to be on.

Oh yeah let me tell you about the track. Some of you may remember a vlog I did about taking the right road. I talked about the right road being the healthy road and the left road being the unhealthy road. Well I found out that on the healthy road, there are exit ramps that you can take. The signs that lead you to these ramps tell you that you can do this on your own and that you are ready to leave the pack and do your own thing. What these "ramps" don't tell you is that they lead over to the left road but there are walls and weird tracks that you run into.

I hit several walls. I have found myself going round and round on tracks that I couldn't get off of. DEPRESSION set it and honey let me tell you it has been an ugly place to be!

Friends, let me just say this..."I hit a wall and I have fallen and I can't get up!" I need help!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD14126107
    Hang in there. There is no set time limit for you to lose weight. You lose it as you go along. I hope you don't pressure yourself too much. Your life is meant to be enjoyed, to be lived, not to feel hopeless because you can't reach a goal at a set time frame like everyone else. Maybe if you could find a hobby that you like it would get your mind out of your depression. Or maybe you are just tired and need a nap, a pedicure, a manicure. There are other ways we could take care of ourselves that do not involve us focusing on nutrition/exercise; things that bring us joy: watching a nice movie, going for a drive to see some scenery, borrowing a book at the library, walking the dog, calling a friend on the phone, or sending a postcard/e-mail.

    Have a good week!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    100+ Pounds Team
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    2417 days ago
    I too have been experiencing the effects of careless eating. My 16 day binge has landed me a gain of 33 pds, incredible and so uncalled for! I worked so hard to lose it and was feeling so much better. I know exactly where you are coming from and we know exactly what we need to do. Tomorrow will be better if we allow ourselves the patience and determination to guide our emotions in a healthy direction. We need Sparkpeople! They are the people that truly understand how we suffer. Be good to yourself tomorrow and the days to follow. Success is BELIEVING we can (: emoticon emoticon

    2419 days ago
    WOW! I'm here for you Soozee.
    2420 days ago
    Every day is a new beginning. Make today the day to reclaim your body. You can do it!!! emoticon emoticon
    2420 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2422 days ago
    I'm here for you.
    2422 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    Just get back on the Spark journey! Today just track, don't change anything. Think about how you really want to feel. Then start making little changes. You have done it before and know what to do just start somewhere and move forward!
    2424 days ago
    Thank you for sharing this I'm there with you! emoticon emoticon emoticon , emoticon emoticon
    2425 days ago
    Awareness is a big part of the battle to get back on track - at least I tell myself that and it seems to help me.
    Here's hoping you know that many of your spark friends (me included) are here to cheer you on and help you stay on track.
    emoticon emoticon
    2425 days ago
    I know that Humpty Dumpty feeling, and you've come to the right place for understanding and motivation. Start tracking again, no matter what it looks like, and start a new streak. Let us know how you are doing on a daily basis. Accountability only works if you are willing to be accountable.
    2425 days ago
    Baby step it all the way. YOU CAN DO THIS!
    2425 days ago
    Yep, I was just there also. It was cold and dark. Somehow, I found the exit, but I haven't made it to the right side yet. I can see it, though. I encourage you to forgive yourself. Take today to love yourself and truly forgive everything in the past. You made it here, got some points and lots of encouragement. That's awesome! Now, what's one more thing you can do today? What's the next absolutely easiest thing for you? Maybe stay away from caffeine or get in 8 glasses of water or put on loud music and make your bed? I hope this helps because I've been there and it is oh, so hard. But you can do this and you are worth it!
    2425 days ago
    I suggest try to do some bit of excercise like ten minutes of walking or a spark workout video or something just to try and help get back in the right direction.

    I was depressed this morning and forced myself out of bed and logged into Spark and started reading things and commented in some blogs and I started to feel myself coming out of the dark place I was heading.

    I hope you feel better soon! emoticon emoticon
    2426 days ago
    Pick some small goal and just baby step it back on to the right road. You can do it! Start today!
    2426 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Well, at least you realize your situation and only need to take a small step in the right direction. Refresh your memory as to what you did in the beginning. Start some small goals and get back on track. You can do it. You did it before. You have to convince yourself, that you are worth it! Don't do it for others, do it for you! After all, if you don't care for yourself, who will? If you are the religious type, turn to God and put it in His hands. He will help you along the way. Make contact with your accountability partner today! Even if it is just to hash what is going on. Make the first step and the rest will fall in place! You can do it!
    2426 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14034154
    Oh my gosh! I'm there now! I've been on vacation, at my sister's home, and I tried logging everything and oing what I needed to do, which was fine for the first three days, but when Sunday hit, SUPER BOWL, that was all she wrote. Yes, my sister made her normal items for that day, but she made me a fruit pizza, a veggie pizza, and had healthy fresh veggies and fruits for me to snack on also. Of course, I brought my own healthy chips and dips, and I was all set. Well, I didn't eat anything unhealthy, but I did over eat big time and put on several lbs. because of it. I was looking at the whole situation, and in my spirit, God said, "It could've been worse, with unhealthy food." He's right! I made healthy choices, but I just ate too much. I got carried away with everybody being there, and I was having such a good time. I don't even want to post my weight today, but it's Monday and that's weigh in day. One thing that I'm very delighted that I didn't do, was come out into the living room and eat. I told everybody that I don't eat anywhere in my home except the kitchen and that's where I'll eat here. Needless to say, I did get some steps in yesterday with all the trips to and from the kitchen.

    Now exercise, I've been doing great with that too, since I've been here, but yesterday, there was just one 17 minute workout! Man oh man, I need to get back on that horse and get back on him, NOW!!!

    We can just support each other through our exit ramp experience and hitting the wall. emoticon TOGETHER!!!

    Be blessed,

    - Nancy Jean -
    2426 days ago
    I'm there now and I so much appreciate the blog. I've gained half of all my weight back and need to get going again. We can do it.
    2426 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8041482
    emoticon Hang in there!
    2426 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14277958
    Oh, that's a frustrating place to be in! You're not alone. Everyone has those moments/days/months.
    2426 days ago
    I hit the same wall in Nov/Dec and it was a doozy. Gained back- and then some, of course...but I am back in the zone -- staying connected with SparkPeople and joining talk gym have been my constants since the end of December. What pulls us out of these holes? Just do one or two things and do it every day for the next week. If you're here, you want it.
    Oh, and that hiding out part? Well, that may be the toughest part for many of us - but admitting it out loud is a big step.
    2426 days ago
    wow, I'm here for you.
    2426 days ago
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