ol mournful me
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Having such a hard time dealing with the loss of my friend.
It isnt immediate family, so, I am not constantly hearing all the details and am just a spectator on the outside.
I have gone to the services both nights, tomorrow he will be laid to rest.
What does that even mean, laid to rest?
I know it means, HE will be laid to rest. He will give up his burdens, he has.
He has left behind his pain, his burdens, his memories.
Now they become ours.
The living, they become our memories, our pain to bear.
I am in pain.
This young man meant alot to me, he was that friend who never ever was too busy to talk.
Never showed his bad mood, always laughed with you and told you to stop crying if you did.
I havent felt so deeply down in the my soul the loss of someone in a very long time, the way I have felt this one.
But, as I said, I am not on the inside, I was just a friend, nothing more, so I have to go on each day with my life, sitting here tonight, wathcing Breaking Bad on Netflix.
Just some mundane act to keep my mind occupied.
Laid in tanning bed, fixed a bite to eat, cleaned house, took a shower.
Not so much.
I keep waking up, wondering if this is real, is he gone for real?
Yes, is always the answer.
I hope to sleep tonight. I hope tomorrow once the funeral is over and I come back home, to stay busy, hopefully to walk.
But the wind is whipping something up outside.
Rain maybe. Snow? I hope not.
It is time for spring, time to clean out the old. and renew.
Time to get on with life.
Time to let go of the dead and be glad to be alive.
I hope I can live those words soon.