I am a failure
Monday, March 24, 2014
I have lost and gained. And my self esteem is lower now than ever before. At one point I was down 50 pounds and at the lowest weight I had ever ever been. I am now at the highest. I feel like a failure. And I feel disgusted. I keep seeing pictures of myself and I just cringe.
I miss the thin feeling. I miss my scrubs not cutting off circulation. I miss being able to cross my legs like thin girls. I miss seeing my collar bones. I miss liking pictures of myself. I miss just feeling comfortable.
So, when ANEWMACKENZIE called us all out on Facebook for abandoning our Spark Pages, I knew it was the moment I needed to get my butt back in gear. It is sooooo hard though. I need my old support group back. I need to feel like I did 5 years ago when I joined SP. I need it to all be new and exciting again. And I need something to work towards.
With that being said, I have met the man of my dreams. He is honestly the man I have been looking for for so long. We met each other at the most perfect times in our lives, and I feel like my prayers have been answered. God had a plan for me and even though I may not have been exactly patient, I was patient enough and I had faith. And it's time to get this body in shape for the possible future wedding and for the future pregnancy I plan on having :)
So, starting today, March 24, 2014, I am going to work.