Short and sweet..or maybe not? lol
Thursday, May 08, 2014
Legs hurt, haven't had much sleep all week. How do I stay on track?
My youngest son has been having issues this week. I believe he is dealing with many changes in our household with his two older brothers. Graduation, new job, both moving out soon. I am sure he is feeling abandoned by his brothers. He is only ten. He has one more year in elementary school which I know has been on his mind lately too. He isn't into sports like his dad and brothers are, which he is struggling with. He doesn't want to let them down by not doing what they do. We all tell him, it is okay to be who he is. He doesn't have to be the same as everyone else. We will all love him the same. I don't know if he believes this because sports has been such a big part of his dad and brother's lives. He struggles being different. Even with his studies. I work with him on some learning issues he has. I have been on top of this since he started school at age 5. I knew I needed to because no one would help me, or him. Now, I think it is apparent by reading my writing, I am not the best speller and my grammar leaves a lot to be desired. But I can do research and help him any way I know how. I have always told him, he learns differently. The same as a blind person learns differently. It doesn't mean he is dumb. Just that he needs to learn in a way that works for him. He is a very bright kid!
He hovered over my shoulder today when I was tracking online before school. I wasn't writing this blog, just putting in my weight, and my bsl numbers, writing an email. Then he got on my bike and started to ride it. I can tell he is watching me. He knows my health issues whether I want him to see it or not. And is probably curious as to what mom is doing with all this stuff. Mom's numbers are better, mom is changing in his eyes. He is very protective of me. I had low blood sugars yesterday for myself and was very sick. I asked my oldest to go pick him up from school. He loves when his brother does this. I do my best to act normal around him. But sometimes I just can't hide it I guess. Maybe he is worried that if his brothers move out there will be no one here to look after me, make sure I am ok. He is ten. He doesn't understand I am exercising and losing weight and eating better to make myself healthier so I will be ok when they move out. I will have to talk to him about this. Make sure he knows, even though mom may have rough patches, I am getting better. It didn't help I ate eggs yesterday and my body HATES eggs and rebels! So .... no eggs today! ha ha.
Supposed to be hot here today. I don't do well in humid weather. So I will have to see how it goes. Maybe the key to exercise today, is ... short times many times a day? Or do as much as I can early in the day? We will see. My legs are killing me from the 150 squats I did yesterday. So maybe working another area might be a good idea and stretching my legs and hip flexors.
I always end up writing more than I intend. So much going on in my mind. And yeah I know there is a journal on Spark too, but I am taking the chance of putting my thoughts and feelings out there will help people support me, understand me better. And maybe there is one or two people out there who can relate to what I have to say. For me, I guess it is letting people see inside my wall. I do not trust people easily. I guard myself very well. But I have learned in my lifetime, at the expense of getting hurt sometimes, that if you have a wall up you not only keep bad people out, you stop good people from coming in. I guess I am putting that window in my wall. Which is hard for me to do. But healthy for me to do. So far I have had good support and connection. So opening up hasn't been bad. It is good for me to open up.