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confession time

Saturday, May 17, 2014

I am so tired.
I wish I had one half the energy my little dog has, right now she is playing chase with her toy mouse and seems to not be getting tired, she still has stitches in her from being spayed last week.
But she hasnt let it keep her down, shes been just as active.
I cant wait til Tuesday when the stitches come out and I can give her a good warm bath in some good smelling shampoo!
So, for me, I guess I could be doing better.
I mean, I did walk an hour today and I was really glad to get that done. I havent been eating too healthy the last 4 or 5 days.
In fact, I have been eating crappy!!
Deep fried mushrooms and a burger last night.
A slice of pizza AFTER my walk this evening.
a cupcake yesterday at the festival in town and a brownie!!!
I am eating junk, j u n k!!!
And at some point, I have to stop!
Before it gets way too out of hand.

I know my BP is up tonight, I have a bad headache and my face is blood red. I have been drinking water all day. I dont know if its all the stress from dealing with these doctors and insurance compay this week. I made a big decision yesterday, I have decided to postpone the consult with the surgeon and wait until about September.
I start seeing the chiropractor and physical therapist this week so that will help me get an idea of what damages have been done and then I will be on the road to getting my insurance company to approve the surgery when the time does come.
But one thing is for sure, until I lose some more weight, nothing is going to matter.
Right now that is the one thing I am positive is going to get me rejected.
So, why am I eating all this crap and not focusing on eating right?
I know I have slacked way off on walking, I am aware of what I am doing wrong, but I need to understand why.
In other news, the temps here have dropped and tonight its supposed to only be in the 30s so I dragged the big comforter back out of my closet and threw it in the dryer.
Dont get me wrong, I sure prefer the 50 degree weather to walk in than the 90 we had last week.
So, here I go again, trying to understand why I am so off course and trying to find the way back again.
I have been here many times.
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