Things on my mind
Monday, June 02, 2014
I am later than usual getting on SP to log my stuff. It has been raining buckets here today and I had to be out in it. I do not like to drive in the rain, especially when it is raining this bad. So my tension was up from that. We were in a rush this morning. I didn't get to eat or take my meds on time. Had to get to the vet, an hour away, and had my oldest son with me to keep the dog calm. Vet appointment went great. Man when it is tense and raining hard that drive is a LONG drive.
I realized on the way home when it is a gray day and the air feels heavy I tend to want to make BAD food choices. My mind drifts to chocolate, French fries, ice cream, dipping the fries in the ice cream. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it! I stopped by Starbucks to get some coffee and wait out some of the dumping of rain. Rain didn't stop so we headed home. Both my son and I came to the consensus that driving in bad snow is better than driving in heavy rain. And can I say a pet peeve of mine??? PEOPLE! TURN ON YOUR CAR LIGHTS! It helps other drivers see you in poor road conditions. Thank YOU!
Ok, so ... I have been in a slight funk today. And couldn't quite figure out what it was until now. I am so amped to not get tripped up. And I know I am human. I am NOT supposed to be perfect. I have been working on what to take or eat on vacation in a couple weeks. And felt secure about having made the right choices ahead of time. But I realize now I got that nagging gut feeling inside that is afraid I will fall off the wagon then roll down the hill snowballing into a huge mess that will make me feel horrible both physically and emotionally. I am afraid I wont know how to stop if I decide it is ok to indulge just a little.. In a way I feel like an alcoholic that can not have just one drink. BTW I conquered that in my past years, conquered smoking too! So I know I can conquer this food addiction. But the fear IS in my gut. I keep telling myself "What do I want more? My good health or this unhealthy food?" It is a struggle for me. One that gets me into trouble. I know I am strong enough inside. I know what is right. I know I CAN do it. I am able to do it day to day at home...I should be able to do it day to day on vacation.
I guess I will cross that bridge if I happen upon it. And Grandad always told me there is always another way to get to where I need to be. If one way doesn't work, find another way. Bless Grandad's words, I miss him dearly around this time of year. I guess that is another thing weighing heavy on me this week and I didn't realize it. Love you and miss you Grandad.