June 6, 2014
Friday, June 06, 2014
*You never find yourself until you face the truth. ~*~Pearl Bailey
I prayed for willingness two days ago to change my life. I had time yesterday to utilize some tools and went to my first al-anon meeting since 2006. I had been attending a weekly CODA therapy group but found that it resembled the stuff I had in al-anon years ago and I would rather become active in that community again. I am scheduled for individual therapy to address my binge eating issues in August...thank you insurance company...that was the first available appointment.
I have been learning how to be appropriate and to set healthy boundaries. One of the quotes a lady had said to me many years ago is that we are not victims...we are volunteers. I learned these behaviors from my mother who probably learned them from her mother and on the cycle goes.
I was never rescued so I felt it was my obligation to be a rescuer. Did not serve me so well over the years. I just asked one of my youngest daughter's friends to leave my home after six months of her living here free of charge and not doing anything other than sleeping all day and staying up all night. The room was like an episode of A&E Hoarders and that pushed me over the edge a few days ago. I had several conversations with both she and my other kids regarding what was expected of everyone living under my roof. I had made a detailed letter to this young woman on May 21st addressing that she would need to find someplace else to stay for free as she was not complying with my house rules.
I did not react...I thought things through; did not say anything inappropriate. I packed up all her belongings and informed her that she would need to collect them and be out of my home by noon. It is 2:43 pm here and I feel free.
I imprison myself and have done so for all these years. Nothing like sitting in an al-anon meeting and being almost 10 years older than the last time you attended one and to see the faces of those folks you saw 10 years ago who are at peace.
I had to know what I did not want in my life before I could actually begin to create the life I do desire. It is so strange to know that all of these years all I had to do was have the willingness to just walk back in and ask God to help me out...yet I stewed in my codependent misery and got fat instead...not that rewarding...but lessons learned.
My life is evolving...things are changing for the positive...and with those positive changes I am making I am creating the life I have always wanted.
I am surrounded by three beautiful children who love each other and are making a positive impact on those around them. I have a roof over my head. I have a car to drive. I have extended family I love and talk to. I am sticking to tracking my food, logging into this site, and for this week making sure I exercise atleast 3 times.
Anyway...thanks for being here and blessings.