Tuesday, June 10, 2014
There are few times in my life where I would say I was truly depressed. Many times I would tell you I was just being a baby about a lot of things. But today, I can't breath. I cannot smile. I cannot concentrate. I went to work this morning, hoping it would take my mind off of my real world problems. It did not. Instead I spent two hours trying to not cry at my desk (pretty miserable failure). So many things are bad with me right now, and I honestly do not think I can change a lot of them. The worst part is they have completely extenguished my spark. All the new energy I was getting, all the fire I felt building inside to make me a stronger, healthier person is completely gone. I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. Just want to lay there until this thing called life moves on and forgets me. I can't do that of course. I have to work, I have to be a father to my boys. Those are the two things I am good at. I suck at being a husband, suck at being a friend, suck at being a healthy and atheletic person.
The weight of this world I have built around me is crushing.