i would dig my heel in, if i could feel it!!
Saturday, June 28, 2014
No matter what I do, I never feel like I am doing enough.
Or, I never feel like I am doing the right thing.
I have two good days then a bad day. the day after a bad day, I say ok, today is a new day, but is it really???
Can you really undo the damage of two bad days in four good days??
Other than making you feel better physically, but the emotional damage is still there.
I had a conversation today with a young man, my sons age, who is a nurse, and a fine young man, rides motorcycles and walks and enjoys life.
Yet he is so unhappy with his physical appearance, that he is comtemplating wls and I dont think he needs it.
Of course, I would not discourage him, I merely just told him of my own struggle with weight loss and how wls isnt an end to a problem.
it is just a beginning.
i just advised him to really work hard leading up to his surgery and make sure he works on the mental first.
now if only i could take my own advice.
i dont know how to do the physical most of the time.
i havent walked all week due to my foot, its still numb.
i am still wearing the bone growth stimulator at night, hoping to make it thru vacation with no worse problems.
not really knowing what caused it, pinched nerve???
no pain elsewhere.
my life is a daily uphill climb, always digging in and clawing to hang on.
lately i find every meal, every snack an emotional uphill climb.
as the days got close toward vacation and i realized i had slacked, and wasnt really going to catch up or lose any significant amount of weight, i guess i just decided not to stress over it.
but rather, to just put it on the back burner, but i never really do.
its always right there.
right in my face, in the mirror, in the refridge, in my numb foot, and in my clothes, in here, on sp, everywhere.
sometimes i wonder if i made the right decision or if my young friend knows more than i ???