Continuing on and Exploring
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Over the last week, I decided to review through all of the multiple .pdf files I have on my computer and explore the many cookbooks, etc. I have purchased. I am ashamed of all of the money I have spent on this "adventure". It certainly has been more than a vacation worth of spending!
I am not tied down to anything. I can cook "cleaner", I can make some occasional treats. I can eat healthy when going out to a restaurant, or I can be "badder".
Today I actually made some paleo blueberry muffins - calling them paleo because they were from a paleo blog, and they were made without grains. Not too shabby - you see I have all of these things in my pantry - coconut flour, almond flour, etc. and I need to use it. In the same way I have bought all of these cookbooks, I must also use up my pantry.
I see why I need to compartmentalize my way of thinking - I want to think I'm on a particular "method" but I don't have to be. I am exploring new meal options, new tastes. Somedays I may be wanting to do eat cleaner, and other days I may resort to my old comfort foods. The thing is this - take responsibility for my eating by eating in such a way that I'm not overfilling myself, I'm not trying to eat my emotions, not eating out of boredom, not stress eating. Today I ate really well, and I feel good too. That's how I want to feel everyday. I know when I eat a lot of carby, starchy, floury and sugary items that I feel really badly.
The whole reason why I was looking towards "Paleo" was to explore whether or not I would feel better. Trying to be "paleo" all the time made me feel sad and depressed like I was missing out on our usual Friday night pizza. How do I maintain my mindset when I go in and out of these 'ways of eating"? by realizing I don't need to eat according to a method. I don't need to call my way of eating anything. When I eat more fruits and veggies and foods that aren't processed, I'm eating cleaner. When I eat "paleo" and go grain free, I'm simply making my food choices from those items that are gluten free. At times, I may eat foods that aren't as clean or may contain some of the items that some days I try to avoid. It's ok!!!!!
The things to ask myself is this - am I moving in a direction that is right for me? Even if my weight loss is slow - am I going the right way? Am I feeling disgusted with myself because I chose to go out and binge? If I have permission to eat all foods, then they are there for me whenever I want them. Today, I wanted to eat cleaner and I feel good. If I choose to eat badly, and I feel badly, then I hope I learn from that experience.
I hope that by my walking, my increase in strength training, and my eating better will produce the results I want. For the last several years, I have really been maintaining the status quo - haven't really lost more that a few pounds. However, i haven't gained either. I can move from here, and stop dragging this guilt around with me.
In the meantime, I have pledged that I will spend no more money. I do use Spark Coach - but I use it. I don't need another book, another magazine, another program of any kind. No gym membership, no dvd. I have so much - it's like all the food in my freezer and pantry - please just use it. Quit adding to the pile by buying more. Quit adding to the confusion. Enjoy my meals, enjoy my activity. Take care of myself by sleeping and being grateful each and every day.
I honestly am not crazy, even though some of my writing here on my blogs lately have sounded like it. This is why I have never bought any types of programs like Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, etc because I would never buy those things the rest of my life. I don't want to be legalistic and judgmental towards others and how they eat. I don't want to be judgmental towards myself. I don't want to make myself eat things I don't like. I just want to have an open mind.