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No one promised easy. Darn it.

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

I have been trying not to use the word "struggle" for about a week. But, I am struggling. Avoiding the word is simply avoiding the truth. I have been avoiding updating my weight, thinking this gain was just a fluke, that I would be back down before I knew it.

Not a fluke.

I am up almost 10 pounds. And, as the tears roll down my face, I am heartbroken over my loss of ground. I have worked so hard. And all the recent changes and challenges in my life have been more than I have been able to navigate gracefully. Picking up old habits has been WAY easier than I imagined it ever could be.

I thought I was done with mindless eating. I thought I was done with exceeding what my body needed. I thought I was done with copious amounts of bread and cheese. These are my food demons. And, I am not unique in the fact that stress is my trigger.

All I can do is try again. I am still down 50 pounds. And I can't let this setback cancel out all my hard work. I just know that I have to be honest with myself...and not keep pretending that I am down 59 pounds. I have some ground to make up...I have some commitments to maintain...I have to remember why I started this and how I intend to keep it going.

NO ONE promised me this would be easy...or linear. I spent the first half of this year proving to myself what I am capable of... learning how to live in a new and healthy way. I have made some poor choices.

I won't give up on myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    yes, keep focusing on how far you've come -- it's the down payment for your future success!

    I agree with you . . . it should be easier . . . or at the very least, it should become easier after all we've been through or . . . okay, okay, I'll stop ranting now. emoticon

    Keep honoring the promises that you made to yourself. You are SO worth it! emoticon
    2507 days ago
    Sometimes we all make poor choices. But hey its just that a choice. You can stop choosing to beat yourself up. You've already decided that your going to just keep at it. Nothing worth having is easy. But you already know this one. Good luck!
    2509 days ago

    I am so glad that you acknowledged the weight gain, so many of us (myself included) try to fool ourselves that it will come right off so we can ignore it. The ten pounds turn into 20 and then we don't want to show our face in here because we are mad at ourselves. It took my over 3 years to come back and restart, don't do that. No one will ever have a straight weight loss! Flip open the guide to your local community center and go do something that you have never done but have wanted to try. I got talked into taking a pole "exercise" class next week with my daughters.

    emoticon emoticon
    2509 days ago
    I'm with you 100%. It is extremely, extremely frustrating to let things slide, and put on 10 (or in my case, 20 pounds) you worked so hard to lose. It seems like wasted time. Wasted effort that we're going to have to engage in all over again.

    But, it's not really. It's all part of a longer process of learning how to eat and live more healthfully. There are no time restrictions. This is not a personal failing of ours. This is us recognizing that we are not perfect, and we just need to be aware of this particular weakness.

    At this very moment, you are 50 POUNDS less than you were. Build on that. (And don't focus on the 10 pounds you gained.) You are definitely on the right track.
    2509 days ago
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