No one promised easy. Darn it.
Tuesday, September 09, 2014
I have been trying not to use the word "struggle" for about a week. But, I am struggling. Avoiding the word is simply avoiding the truth. I have been avoiding updating my weight, thinking this gain was just a fluke, that I would be back down before I knew it.
Not a fluke.
I am up almost 10 pounds. And, as the tears roll down my face, I am heartbroken over my loss of ground. I have worked so hard. And all the recent changes and challenges in my life have been more than I have been able to navigate gracefully. Picking up old habits has been WAY easier than I imagined it ever could be.
I thought I was done with mindless eating. I thought I was done with exceeding what my body needed. I thought I was done with copious amounts of bread and cheese. These are my food demons. And, I am not unique in the fact that stress is my trigger.
All I can do is try again. I am still down 50 pounds. And I can't let this setback cancel out all my hard work. I just know that I have to be honest with myself...and not keep pretending that I am down 59 pounds. I have some ground to make up...I have some commitments to maintain...I have to remember why I started this and how I intend to keep it going.
NO ONE promised me this would be easy...or linear. I spent the first half of this year proving to myself what I am capable of... learning how to live in a new and healthy way. I have made some poor choices.
I won't give up on myself.