sweet 16 turns....who cares, lets dance!!!
Friday, September 26, 2014
"Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain
In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end......." Daughtry.
So, September has come and is quickly on its way out.
So many memories and dates to remind me this month contains.
Days spent with a long lost friend, who I cannot ever forget or get out of my mind!!
Try as I might.
But as I do sit here and reflect on this particular September and ones past, I believe the painful memories are slowly being pushed back into the recesses of my mind.
I dont speak of this friend much anymore, or wonder why things happened the way they did.
I have stopped putting them on a pedastal and myself as being the cause of their actions.
I have come to accept that people have flaws and I am finally lifting the veil I had placed around the whole situation and seeing that they made the choices they made for whatever reason that suited them.
Nothing I did or said caused them to behave the way they did and I have finally seen their imperfections.
But I will say this.....the time I spent hanging out with them and the long talks we shared and every single minute I spent with them in my life was absolutely 100 percent worth it.
I will never ever want to forget them. and even though they pretty much just walked out of my life without explanation or looking back, maybe that was the way they are.
Maybe our friendship meant less to them.
But I am glad to have known them and feel like it shaped and changed me to be tougher and stronger person!!!!
So, the date of the anniversary of my brothers death, came and went without much fanfare.
I chose not to bring it up and just honor his memory in my private thoughts.
And with only days left to go, my birthday coming up has brought about mixed emotions.
Wondering what the age of 47 will bring.
Wondering if I will really begin to feel, or even act my age???
I really hope not!!!
And by the way, how does one ACT their age?
Somewhere inside a cave is there writings on the wall that tells how one should behave at each year of their life??
I think the concept is best summed up in the Bob Seger song, Rock and Roll never forgets.
"So your a little bit older and alot less bolder than you used to be, well you used to shake em down but now you stop and think about your dignity".......
Yes, I guess I can understand that, for example, my friends and I used to go out bar hopping in our 20s and we would see ladies there in their 40s and 50s and we would sit and talk about how we would never be like them.
We would never be so desperate at that age to get out and try to dress younger and dance and act younger and hang out with a younger crowd.
I am laughing at the young me for thinking that way.
While I no longer go to bars, it has more to do with me not drinking than age.
and being that i am not single.
Who knows if I would if I were. I wouldnt mind going out dancing with the girls. I wouldnt mind dancing with a young hottie lol lol!!!
Reflections on alot of thoughts and feelings today.
I dont know what 47 is supposed to feel like, or look like. But I think I look alot younger than some of my friends my age and then I say to myself, how does that matter?
The fact I dont have wrinkles around my eyes or mouth and my skin is still pretty firm, makes me look or feel younger???
That is something to be proud of? Something that makes me better or happier?? Maybe ever so slightly.
But.....I guess of all the things that I can be at this age, I can say that being able to walk and workout and focus on good living, not smoking or drinking, enjoying laughing and not focusing on a number, but on a feeling.
I am not younger in fact.
I am 47 (in 4 days).
So, what now????