LOLATURTLE
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DON'T GET EXCITED I WILL PROBABLY JUST DISAPPEAR AGAIN....

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

OH, Hi.

Hi.



So yeah. That happened. That being summer. Bleh.

Remember how I was all "I am going to recommit in July!" ?

Yeah, no. In July, I was teaching summer camp.

I will just make a very long story very short: NEVER DO THAT.

12-14 hour days, some cute kids but mostly HORRIBLE ones, kids today, they're all going to grow up to be serial killers, etc.

Also a couple weeks before summer camp started, Mr. Turtle got laid off. So that was also horrible and stressful and we were like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

We still have our house. We are okay. He started a new job this week. AHH of the "whew" variety rather than the screaming kind.

If he had not been laid off before camp I would have quit my job on the spot in the middle of it. That's how bad it was.

Right AFTER camp I had the startup of a huge project that will be taking up tons of my time for the next, oh, eight months. Hence the 14 hour days - I had to work the whole camp day, get ready for the NEXT camp day, then do a bunch of work to get ready for this project. AWFUL. All this considering I make about half of what I should make for my education and experience...

So there's been some grouchiness, lots of stress, some soul searching. That is my boring life.

If you care I have gained about 25 pounds back. Meh. I guess it's only 10-12 considering where I was in June. But overall I'm feeling sort of zen about it. Yeah I could stand to learn to handle huge stress in my life without emotional eating, but I'm not super inclined to beat myself up about it right now. It is what it is. Whatever!


I did track my food for today just out of curiosity.

I don't especially care... I'm above what I "should" be eating, but that's for what I weighed back in June. Gotta update that!

Mostly what I have been trying to do the last couple weeks is focus on health. It's okay if I eat some cookies or whatever, as long as I reached my goal on healthy stuff. I had to start feeling good about that before I could even THINK about coming back here or tracking. Right now I am not about tracking calories, I am about cramming healthy business down my face.

What healthy stuff?

**#1 most important BFF = Greens! RAW GREENS. I'm not so much trying to cut "bad" things out of my diet, as eat as many greens as possible. This has the interesting effect of crowding other stuff out of my diet. It goes "You can have whatever you want, as long as you eat your salad first." "Make that salad BIGGER." "you can cook that... how can you add green stuff to it?"

Since I have started this, I have several times skipped eating some of the stuff I packed in my lunch because I was too full. I don't have to tell myself not to eat it, or check if I have the calories for it; I literally can't fit it!

I have discovered if I chop up stuff like kale, cabbage, etc., really small in the food processor, two things happen:

1) it looks and smells like something that came out of a lawnmower (just keepin it real!)
2) I can fit a LOT MORE salad in a smaller container, and smaller pieces means less chewing means it doesn't take me an hour just to eat salad. And I don't have to eat it out of a bowl so big people point and laugh.

okay, I guess that was like six things.

And incidentally, Lawnmower Bag aside, it tastes really good with my yummy homemade dressings. So, win. (%*****% see disclaimer, y'all)

**Nuts and seeds, for healthy fats. I was throwing some flax seed in green smoothies, which is sometimes good and sometimes gross. Now I have in my freezer a huge tub of Seed Mix - flax + a bunch of other nuts & seeds, food processor to "crumbs.". I sprinkle it over my Lawnmower Bag and it adds a nutty flavor and some nice crunch. Also many of my dressings are nut based. Today's is pad thai inspired - peanut, lime, SRIRACHA YUM. (incidentally it has 4 grams of protein and 3 grams of fiber. MY FREAKING SALAD DRESSING WHAT)

**fruit - not too much, but snacks or dessert. Or both.

Pointless sidebar #1 - I learned to take a green smoothie from hit or miss (good or gross) to always good WITHOUT adding so much fruit it's like 700 calories. The secret? Half a lime. Something about that little sour punch makes it tasty even with more green and less fruit. I am a freak who doesn't mind if my smoothie kind of tastes like kale, though. But don't use collards! Toooooooo bitter. Cook those muthas.

**BEANS. BEANS BEANS! BEANS!!! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeans...
I have a new app on my iPad (did you know I have an iPad? I forget when I got it. I have an iPad mini. It is adorable. I should name it.). It is a recipe app. IT IS THE GREATEST THING IN HUMAN HISTORY. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.... I can save recipes to its little recipe cards DIRECTLY FROM THE INTERNET or type them in. I have been using it to save & toss random recipes on random sheets of paper, but also to obsess over a few recipe sites.

YES THIS STORY IS ABOUT BEANS I PROMISE.

Anyway, I have found I can eat more & feel happier without eating a ton of calories if my meals are more bean - and - veggie based, plus beans are healthy on their own. So I've been saving bean and lentil recipes like a madwoman. Last weekend I made:

7 huge things of Lawnmower Bag (a head of purple cabbage, a big bunch of purple kale, an absurdly huge bunch of green kale, some red onion, and carrots)
washed & chopped Snack Veggies (3 zucchini, 2 cucumbers, lots of carrots, a bunch of celery, and four peppers)

AND! two big loaves of Beanloaf (not meatloaf!), a big pot of yellow split pea soup (YAHM!) aaaaaaaaaaaaand - Sausage Flavor Beans.

What are Sausage Flavor Beans?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

It is a recipe I found while obsessing over my recipe app (REMEMBER THAT FROM UP THERE? AND YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS UNRELATED) that uses breakfast sausagey spices on cannellini beans. They are super tasty alone or over grits. (it also includes red bell pepper and a crapton of spinach. eat your colors, + GREENS)

When I was cooking them, Mr. Turtle was all "What is that smell? And is it for DINNER??" So we had some for dinner. Then I had some for breakfast. Then I ran out, so last night I made a giant double batch pot. BEANS!!!

I am liking this new beans for breakfast thing. I know it sounds weird, but they are good. When I eat cereal I just want to eat again 10 minutes later. When I eat toast I want to eat the entire loaf of bread. (and can. and have!) When I eat fruit I eat too much AND I'm hungry again soon. It's getting too cold for smoothies. Oatmeal... ain't nobody got time for that! Plus I want to put a crapton of sugar or peanut butter in it. So, BEANS. This morning I had beans and grits + mushrooms. More beans than grits. WOOT. Precooked it's so fast, I just scoop a bit of each into a bowl and microwave it while Turtle Puppy is eating her stinky dog food.


I totally forgot what I was talking about because BLAH BLAH BLAH RAMBLE RAMBLE but that's how you know I'm really back and it's not some stranger who hacked my page, riiiiiiiiiiiight?

oh yeah, healthy crap. ** # whatever, drink water. I'm working on that too. It's going pretty well.

So that's what I'm doing. Trying to eat a ridiculously embarrassing amount of vegetables.

Also exercise. I ran a training run last week, but meh. It's daaaaaark in the morning. I'm out of shape. I was careful, but it made my knees a bit sore due to the out of shape + extra weight again. So I went ahead and ran my 5k on Sunday (YEP. took a lot of walk breaks though) but now I am in the swimming zone. I'm having some weird insomnia thing where I wake up at 4am every day (WHYYYYY AHHH) so I might as well get up. Today I swam for almost an hour - over an hour but I'm not counting the many many stretching breaks I took. All the stretching and time in the water was good, though - all my sore bits from the 5k are sooooo much better.

That's the news. I will be around, some, maybe. Probably. I may or may not track. I can't decide. Today's food, chosen by my new Cram Your Veg Face plan, calculates out realllly nicely. So maybe I will just track a couple times a week to see where I am. I don't want to get all obsess-o all or nothing about it again.


Hi. Missed you. Smooooooches.






%*****% Important Disclaimer: If you are thinking about trying The Lawnmower Bag Diet for yourself, a few things to keep in mind:
1) you will POOP YOUR BRAINS OUT. You need to know this. I do not want you to be surprised, because that is the kind of surprise NOBODY LIKES. I am telling you now. Increase your serving size of Lawnmower Bag SLOWLY. And maybe on a day you're, like, home. Near the bathroom. And don't say I didn't warn you. I can hear you now, all "Lola, I've been on Spark for however long. I eat my vegetables. My intestines are a rock! We got this!" Your hubris will be your downfall.
2) If you have never eaten any raw kale before ever, do not expect to make the same recipe I describe above (kale, more kale, even more kale, why did you buy so much kale, and cabbage) and like it. Start with lettuce and spinach and mix in a little of the more hardcore greens. Increase the proportion slowly. (lettuce and spinach processed don't last as long in the fridge without slime so don't make 5 pounds in advance like I did. I'm a professional, ok?)
3) If you turn your greens into moosh don't come crying to me. I'm not here to teach you how to use your food processor. DIDN'T YOU READ THE MANUAL? Look for you tube videos or something. And drop that ruined sH*Z in a soup or something.

Lawnmower Bag: no one is recommending you try this at home.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AHTRAP
    Well, you took the time to come back, why not stick around? I mean, really, you might as well. All the cool....well, screw the cool kids, but we're here, aren't we? :)
    2054 days ago
  • _MOBII_
    Missed you chickie!
    2056 days ago
  • SENIMMO
    Yay!!! You're back! !! I missed you. Have a great day.
    2056 days ago
  • ADARKARA
    HOLY CRAP I laughed so hard. I missed you! I love my food processor! But I don't think I would like lawnmower bag, haha.

    emoticon
    2057 days ago
  • MINEA999
    Yes it's definitely YOU that wrote this. I'm not sure I could get on your greens bandwagon, it sounds like a lot of work and dishes.

    I'm so glad to see you back. Like SO glad. Like I literally said 'oh yay!' out loud when I saw you were back.

    Stick around a while. emoticon

    (why pow? well... why not huh?!)
    2057 days ago
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