This might go long. Bless you if you read to the end.
Thursday, October 09, 2014
My journey here on Sparkpeople (and my life health journey) has been long. It has also come full circle. But that's not the point of this post. Let me explain.
I have always been an active person, but I've been a lot of weights throughout my life. I've been thin and I've been heavy. I've been healthy and I've been unhealthy. Thin hasn't always equaled healthy and heavy hasn't always equaled unhealthy. Four years ago I was thin & healthy (and happy). Then my husband got sick, and died, and I got heavy (and unhappy). Now I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I'm not happy about that, but my life is *ok*. Could be worse.
I'm currently away from home, on travel for work. Travel to an area that's not too far from home, but far enough that you don't go there in the normal course of everyday life. I have a facebook friend that lives in this area. This friend was actually more than a friend long ago (college), but our lives took different paths after college, and we hadn't seen each other since then. Now I'm a widow, and he's married.
We decided to meet up, neither knowing quite what to expect. We had parted friends, but that was 30 years ago. Would we have anything in common? Would we still 'click?' It was a crap shoot, but we forged ahead to see.
It was a wonderful meeting. The years melted away and we talked for hours. It was like we hadn't had the 30 year break. And on a very personal level, I no longer felt like the *fat* person I feel like so often now. I just felt like me. Funny how it takes someone from so long ago to bring that out.
I don't know exactly where I'm going with this blog. One thing I do know is - take that chance. It was risky to meet my old friend/lover, but it was SO worth it. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have someone view/think of you like THAT. We remained at a friend level, which is all we can be at this time, but the sparks were still there. I had forgotten that someone could look at me and have sparks...
It's nice to remember that I have worth as a person, and can even be thought of as attractive and sexy, when I don't meet the standard definition.