I haven't written a blog in a while. I have been grieving and trying to keep my mind off of that. Maybe not such a good idea but I know the ones I am grieving would not want me to sit around and cry, they would want me to smile and be busy and happy, enjoy every moment.
It keeps popping into my head how good I feel and am doing this Christmas. This time last year I was at one of my heaviest weights, trying to hide at my son's college graduation. I thought I was happy at THAT time. I had conquered so much by last year. I was not in a wheel chair anymore, I was awake every day, I was able to walk a short distance, I had been cleared from the many specialists I had been seeing for my conditions. I was able to cook and care for my kids and husband. I took care of a whole JV and Varsity wrestling team being a team mom. I thought I was doing really good. AND I WAS! considering where I have been.
THIS year, my inflammation is down so much. I have had a few days this month that have been hard to physically bare, but I am ok. In a much better place than I was. I am riding my bike, walking as much as I am physically able, stretching it out to not be as sore, drinking tons of water, keeping my blood sugars under control, and best of all... passed to 6 month checks at the doctor.
Such a very long way from being unsure if I would be alive to wake up the next day, from having my husband resent the fact I was young and in a wheel chair, able to shower only with an attendant so I wouldn't pass out, not being able to walk at all or do a single thing. Much of these problems were not caused by weight but medical issues. But it lead to weight gain, fear, and many other negative things. THAT PERSON IS NOT ME NOW! I have worked HARD, stayed strong, and persevered on learning to be positive and thankful for each moment of life I was given. Showing me that weight loss was a good thing to motivate me but an even better motivator was my life, my family, my kid's future families. My health getting so much better to the point where I can live without much help is a great motivator!
I am thankful. For all the strides I have made over the years, for the strength and the knowledge I have attained to be able to get THIS far. I am going to go farther. I am thankful for all the people here that have lifted me up, made me feel important, made me feel happy and included. Without you all I would probably have not made it this far, this fast.
I am going to keep going, the journey goes to a place I am unaware of because I see myself always putting my all in. Celebrating big and little things as they come and go. Not really setting a goal but making everything a celebration as I accomplish it. There is no telling where this journey will go. The only thing I know is that I will not let it end. I will keep my chin up, shoulders back, heart, brain and soul forward and march on. Taking in each and every second I am privileged to have.
I will always