Thursday, February 12, 2015
I have begun to open up to more people about my eating disorder. After struggling with it for over 20 years I realize it's not something to hide. Since I have started to talk about it more and be open that I have a problem the guilt has started to melt away.
Yesterday I was REALLY stressed out because this week I have been dealing with health insurance issues due to our HR department and it finally overcame me. I ate everything in sight. I was full and continued eating. I stopped eating when full and a half hour later was "hungry" again and had an urge to eat. I knew I in no way needed to eat. I knew what was happening. There was just a disconnect between my brain and my hands/mouth. I kept thinking STOP you don't need to be eating this, yet my hands kept feeding me.
This morning I am not guilty about yesterday. I acknowledge that it happened. I have already moved on. Today I will track everything that goes into my mouth. I will not fall down the rabbit hole. I will find my ME space and time and I will keep moving on. I will move. I will not fall into the couch and allow it to strap me down. My eating disorder is not me. My failings are not me. Yes, they are a part of me, but they do not define me.
So just for today I will not binge eat. I will take more deep breaths. I will allow myself to feel acceptance. I will be calm. I can have an effect on today, I cannot change yesterday, tomorrow I will take on when it is here and will not worry about it today. I am in the present. I am and accept ME. I love me for my flaws... that is what makes me human.