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Saturday, March 07, 2015

Taking a deep breath. I have had a pretty nice weekend. I have been active and very vigilant of when, what, and how much I eat. Doing my best to be focused on what I need to do to stay on top of things.

A couple of times this week I have had to say something to my husband. Now I am not going to bash him. I am just going to say I am struggling so very hard with him. He wants to help. He supports in his own way. And he is great a lot of times!
BUT I have told him that what he does, effects me too. Such as...bringing enough Mc D's in the HOUSE to feed all of us, constantly snacking, saying he didn't have enough or I didn't make enough. He knows he has issues with over eating too. He eats extremely fast also. I think it triggers a " if he doesn't care then why should I care either" thing in me. And when I speak to him about it I see he is mad in his eyes. His mouth says otherwise most of the time. He is mad that I notice what he is doing. He is mad because he knows those actions are not supportive of my struggles. I know he does want to help me because he knows how very hard it is to me to stay right. I am not nagging at him, I am trying to help myself. I don't do it in a naggy way. He does NOT accuse me of nagging. I think he knows he is doing something that is not good for either of us.
Tonight I mentioned maybe getting small plates or bowls that are sectioned so veggies and other food are more easily able to be measured. He didn't like that idea. I get where he is coming from. I do. I just look for ways to make it easier for me. I am used to cooking for an army of people. And with the kids moving away there are less people and I am trying to teach myself to cook less.
I know his heart supports me. And he tries to be positive. But boy does he have a way of pulling my triggers. Maybe and I do know this because he told me long ago...he resents my illnesses and struggles. I am 42. I am so much better at 42 than I was at 36! But he resented me back then because I was not supposed to be sick, weak, unable to do the things he was doing. I think it somewhat carries over still. I think sometimes he feels eating healthy is a form of taking care of me in a resentful way. When really I am trying to take care of myself, him and our kids! Maybe he feels punished he has to eat what I cook or buy and we eat out less. Not enough to leave me or anything drastic, now. Just enough though to throw a tantrum, ya know??
Today. It was about nuts. Almonds, cashews...nuts. I didn't get nuts salty enough or with enough flavor. So I mixed up a flavor mix, heated the nuts and stirred in the flavor mix. First they didn't have enough flavor even WITH the mix, then they were too salty. I guess I can't win. I thought they were good! Not too salty, and nice flavor that wasn't too strong.
Sigh~~~~ Just a bump in the road. I am just frustrated. Tired.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm just proud of you for sticking to your guns and realizing this is your journey, and that you are trying to get yourself to the place where noone feels they need to take care of you :) you are doing an amazing job, and I'm sure that, even if he doesn't say it, he sees that. Stay strong!
    2231 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. It sounds like he does want to be supportive of you but is struggling with do the action he needs to do to support you. Luckly I haven't run into this problem with my husband but I have with my father. Its not as bad for me because we don't live together, but my dad loves to take me and my family on outing which are great, but then he wants to go out to eat or get icecream. ect... and even though he knows I'm trying to lose weight and told me out right he was proud of what I was doing. When I turn down icecream or second helping or desert when im invited over for dinner. Or don't finish my plate when we go out I can tell it annoys him. It would be very hard for me to stay on track if I had to deal with my all the time. I think your very strong to still be managing. Good for you.
    2231 days ago
  • KBS2344
    Do it for YOU!! Even if he's not enjoying it - it will be good for both of you in the long run emoticon
    2232 days ago
  • KELLEY21215
    You are not alone in this matter. Everyone wants to be supportive but most of them want to as long as it doesnt affect them or their eating habits even when they know they are bad habits. Just keep up the great work you are doing for you. Vent, huff and puff, blog about it do whatever it takes to keep yourself on track. Remember you cant change anyone just hope and pray they see the changes in you and the healthy light you are shining towards them. Stay strong!
    2232 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/7/2015 11:38:34 PM
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