I don't fit in

Monday, March 23, 2015

Lately it has just been wearing on me more and more that I am the odd man out at work. I work with 7 women and all of them have worked together for at least 10 years. As of late the divide between me and them has just grown and it's especially hard for me since I have no friends in town. I don't know what they talk about or who they talk about so I just sit there somewhat listening. Some days I just want to burst. When I try to talk I get sharp responses or rolling eyes. I don't get it. If I had social interactions outside of work it wouldn't be so bad, but this is what I get. Also, if I did't have such great friends and social lunches at my last job it probably wouldn't bother me as much. They say the south is full of nice people... they forget to mention that's only if you are like them. Least friendly place I have ever lived. How can you live somewhere for 2 years, be social, and have 0 friends?
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    I've been looking for a new job for about 6 months. I have had 2 interviews, but jobs are very competitive in my field. Both of those were intensive field work jobs and a man was hired instead. My last two jobs I was basically considered a dude lol but had friends in and out of work. I just keep applying. Almost every job I have applied to I know the person who was hired. Fisheries is such a small world. I know the right job and place will come a long and we will be happy. Living here I have learned I cannot live in the country!!! So I am being rather selective of jobs as well, because I really want to settle down for at least 5 years in one place.
    1962 days ago
    Hi! Hugs! Been there. I live in the south, too, (although I bet this happens everywhere) and you're right, if you're looking for friends it's very hard to fit into already established groups of friends, no matter what you have in common. I have always felt judged and ignored and have had my fair share of listening to conversations about people I don't even know and no one willing to try to include me in. I wasn't invited to evening gatherings either... no Tupperware, home interior, card making (stamping up) or adult "toy" parties... and I know they were going on because they talked about them. Yes, they were usually nice to me one on one, but superficially. I even had one woman walk away from me in mid-sentence because a friend of hers walked in. I left that place when I realized none of this was my fault, and I decided I had enough of being ignored and overlooked.

    Luckily, I'm in a job where I feel more comfortable. I don't go to lunch with anyone because I pretty much work through lunch, nor hang out with anyone after work, but several women here are quite friendly and don't make me feel isolated or ignored.

    Have you considered looking for another job? In the situation I talked about, leaving was the only option left, and I have been so much happier since I finally did. How long have you been tolerating your situation? What are your options?

    I hope you can find a solution!
    1962 days ago
    I'm so sorry. It must be very hard for you to want to go to work every day.
    1962 days ago
    I feel your pain. I have worked at my new job for just at 1 month. All the people have been hear 10+ years as well and know each other very well. Sometimes I feel as if I don't fit in there. They are not mean to me and do speak to me just a weird feeling. emoticon
    1962 days ago
    We have tried making friends all over town... it's so weird here. we are social at the gym and frequent a few local hang outs. It's like we are social pariah.
    1962 days ago
    And women are NOT easy to get along with at all - no matter how nice you are. Make friends outside the job and maybe that'll help a bit.
    1962 days ago
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