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Self pity and the battle with skin

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I haven't had one of these days for a while, but today I'm really feeling it. I've been knocking it out of the ballpark with my nutrition and fitness over the last 6-7 weeks, and results have been slim to none. I've tried changing it up and still, nothing. I know it will come and I do have many NSVs to celebrate, so it's not a total bust. I'm getting healthier every single day. The hardest part over the past several days has been the skin issue.

I remember reading blogs when I first started out and not being able to understand who those that had lost a significant amount of weight could still hate their bodies. How they could compare some saggy skin to 100+ lbs. of excess fat. Well, I totally get it now. After losing 124 lbs, I can honestly say I'm more self conscious than I was back then. I don't wear anything shorter than a regular t-shirt or three-quarter sleeves, I don't wear any shorts (not even bermudas) and I only wear a bathing suit at my dads lake house where almost no one can see me. I was never like thise at 304 lbs., and I know it's ridiculous.

I have told myself the skin is my "payback" for treating my body so horribly for 12 years. Which in reality, it is. Please, do not get me wrong, not everyone has excess skin and I would NEVER go back to the way I was. I just wish I had some of the mentality I did back then as far as supposedly not caring what others thought. I know to someone first starting in their journey this may sound insane. Believe me, I thought so too. Just two years ago. But please, do not let this deter you. This is the best decision I have made for myself, and I do not regret one single pound.

My ultimate goal is to get surgery to correct some of my issues, but the cost is astronomical. Does anyone have any experience with plastic surgeons? Don't think I'm totally insane, but I've been researching getting it done in the Dominican Republic. I have been searching RealSelf for over a year and getting stories and connecting with people that have done this with very reputable doctors. Any suggestions? Besides admitting myself to a nut house?!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I wouldn't go to another country! You can have insurance cover the surgery if you are having health problems due to the excess skin- like infections if you have a history of problems documented by a doctor. ( at least you used to be able before Obamacare) my friend had breast reduction covered because she had a bad back due to the excess weight.
    2199 days ago
  • KITT52
    you have done a fabulous job.....
    I know how you feel, love yourself no matter what
    you are a beautiful women

    good luck
    2205 days ago
    Oh sister, let me tell you.. I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. At my heaviest, I NEVER wore shorts, tank tops, or swim suits. I thought when I lost weight, all of that would change. WRONG! I still don't wear anything shorter than a bermuda short, NEVER a tank top, and I ONLY wear swimsuits because I will NOT miss out on any more more fun with my kids. Plastic surgery is out of the question, especially since my insurance won't cover it, lol! I had to make peace with these issues a long time ago. My arms will NEVER see the light of day, unless I plan on taking flight with these wings of mine. I'm still to fat to wear any kind of "short" and I don't plan on getting to a "Healthy BMI" which may give me decent looking legs. But for the swim suit… I missed out on 6 years with my kids, staying in a chair on the side of the pool. My mother took them to swim lessons because I wouldn't get in the water in front of anyone. I know these demons talking smack in your head are SOOO much worse than anything that anyone will ever say or think about YOUR body, believe me. That being said, I know how evil those little buggers are… Next time you have the opportunity to wear something that you don't think you should, just remember how hard you've worked to get where you are. The one thing that I tell myself when I'm at the pool, because finally, it's the ONLY place I'm NOT comfortable, is "I'm not the worst looking thing out here." THAT has kept me going. That has allowed me to actually enjoy the summers with my kids. Yes, I have a smooshy stomach, and SUPER HUGE bat wings, and jiggly thighs, but damn it, it was SOOO much worse before. Besides, they have amazing swimsuits to cover up ANY type of "flaw." You are a beautiful woman, you've worked REALLY hard, and you deserve to be proud of what you've done. Let this be YOUR summer!!! You've got this!!!
    2209 days ago
    Believe it or not, I understand where you are coming from. When I joined Spark the first time I lost 120 pounds. Honestly, I looked pretty good in clothes, but not so fabulous without them. I kept thinking, when will I get the final reward for all of my hard work? I know you are working out like crazy and building muscle. It will help. It did for me, but I know I will never have the body of a cover model. You are committed to the surgery, and I applaud you for planning ahead! Until that time, try to love your body for what it is today! You are healthier, and I guarantee you are your own worst critic. Look around you. . . Most people in this world aren't making a living on the cover of a magazine. Everyone has flaws, and very few people are every truly satisfied with their bodies, face, hair, etc. Eventually age has a say in our appearance too. Stand tall and proud. You have already done the work and you continue to fight for what you want. The skin situation will resolve will be resolved, and no one is staring at it except you. HUGS! emoticon
    2209 days ago
  • MRTHING2000
    The sagging skin is a real headache. I fear I'll be in the same boat in a year or two. I've not had any experience with plastic surgery though. Spendy it sure is. And the recovery can be painful and all that. But it has to go! And it can't come back again!

    I don't think of surgery as cosmetic when it comes to that. Its cosmetic in the sense that it changes the way we look, but the sagging skin is prone to infection, makes it tougher to exercise, and so on. So it probably is more of a necessity than a luxury.
    2209 days ago
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