Self pity and the battle with skin
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
I haven't had one of these days for a while, but today I'm really feeling it. I've been knocking it out of the ballpark with my nutrition and fitness over the last 6-7 weeks, and results have been slim to none. I've tried changing it up and still, nothing. I know it will come and I do have many NSVs to celebrate, so it's not a total bust. I'm getting healthier every single day. The hardest part over the past several days has been the skin issue.
I remember reading blogs when I first started out and not being able to understand who those that had lost a significant amount of weight could still hate their bodies. How they could compare some saggy skin to 100+ lbs. of excess fat. Well, I totally get it now. After losing 124 lbs, I can honestly say I'm more self conscious than I was back then. I don't wear anything shorter than a regular t-shirt or three-quarter sleeves, I don't wear any shorts (not even bermudas) and I only wear a bathing suit at my dads lake house where almost no one can see me. I was never like thise at 304 lbs., and I know it's ridiculous.
I have told myself the skin is my "payback" for treating my body so horribly for 12 years. Which in reality, it is. Please, do not get me wrong, not everyone has excess skin and I would NEVER go back to the way I was. I just wish I had some of the mentality I did back then as far as supposedly not caring what others thought. I know to someone first starting in their journey this may sound insane. Believe me, I thought so too. Just two years ago. But please, do not let this deter you. This is the best decision I have made for myself, and I do not regret one single pound.
My ultimate goal is to get surgery to correct some of my issues, but the cost is astronomical. Does anyone have any experience with plastic surgeons? Don't think I'm totally insane, but I've been researching getting it done in the Dominican Republic. I have been searching RealSelf for over a year and getting stories and connecting with people that have done this with very reputable doctors. Any suggestions? Besides admitting myself to a nut house?!