Thursday, April 02, 2015
Well, I survived March and all the birthdays and cake that came with it. All my boys are a year older and I feel like I am getting younger and they are catching up with me. My oldest, I never imagined at 22. I thought often of him at 21, but 22...never. So I am pushing forward in the thoughts of my kids getting older and accepting I am older than I feel. Although I will never give up feeling young and a kid at heart!
Easter Sunday is coming quickly and I have planned a meal for my family. Nothing elaborate like I would usually do, just staples so we do not over eat. I have one son that may still believe in the Easter Bunny and I am trying to put together an Easter basket for him with little to no candy in it. I am thinking a chocolate bunny for tradition sake and some play dough and slinky and a new basket ball. I plan on hard boiling eggs and dying them Saturday sometime and doing a hunt for him. Should be a pleasant weekend.
The weather has been very nice. Rainy at times but nice. Been out enjoying that! Today I let myself have the front and back screen doors open. It is the perfect temperature out. Sunny, breezy not too cold not too hot. My mind is usually always running non stop. But today I just allowed myself to sit in quiet, feel the perfect breeze that was blowing gently through my house and hearing the wind chimes I have hanging on my front porch. I have gotten 2 new ones to put up, but the old ones still sound beautiful. I am so relaxed at the moment. Just a chill day, my kids would say. I never do that. I have a hard time allowing myself to do that. But I found myself thinking...wow this is just perfect, I love this.
I think today has recharged me and my mind to keep going. I am at about a year on SP. I have a doctor appointment next month after my first 6 months of being able to not go. I am not feeling very confident as I have had some bumps emotionally with some deaths that were close to me. But I keep on doing my best. Admittedly my best is sometimes not good enough because I know I AM stronger than some days I have weaknesses. I am not perfect nor meant to be perfect and I accept that so I wont beat myself up too bad. But I do know right from wrong. And each day I pray for strength to keep making the right choices.
For the past 125 days I have been making myself more accountable on here. Making sure I take the time for myself to keep myself in check. Even when I make the wrong choices I still come on here. I have a smart phone now, as of last November, so it is easier for me to not have an excuse. I can get on SP anywhere. That has helped.
Time just flies. At times I want to grab at everything and just make it hold still. But I know I can't really do that. Just got to catch as much as I am able and enjoy every second. Which I do. I appreciate my life and those in it so much more than I could ever write on here. I have come back in such a big way and never want it taken from me ever again. It is too precious to me. My friends on SP and you know who you are...I communicate with you often... mean the world to me. I support you and walk with you through the things you go through also. Good and bad I am with you. Thank you so much for being there for me this past year.