Another Fresh Start? Nah!! I'm Done With Those
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
Fresh starts seem to've been a theme in my life. Yes, I'm in a new phase of my life right now, but I'm not going to do any fresh start with it. I'm done with those. It seems like I've had so many in my head that it's become the norm, something I expect, that I live that way instead of just carrying on in the way that I've been going. I need to learn how to keep on with things & to just carry on instead of stopping & starting over & over. I'm tired of that cycle.
So I'm just carrying on. Maybe some might see this as a kind of fresh start, but it's not really. Well, maybe it is because it's a new attitude for me, a new frame of mind, but I'm not starting over. I was tempted this past Saturday & Sunday to reset all my goals over at another health & fitness site of which I'm a member, but I didn't. I didn't want to wreck my point streaks. haha
To start fresh, it might've subconsciously given me permission to break a very important streak & to give in to a temptation with which I've struggled for years - drinking Coca~Cola. From 21 February 'til now, I've not had a single one - that's 47 days without one of my biggest struggles. Whoohoo!! It just hit me that this is the longest I've gone without it for years!! I did have one time when I went quite a bit more than one year without it, but it's been a while. Now I'm without it, & it's good! I still drink the occasional pop - mainly root beer - but without Coca~Cola as part of my diet, I no longer have the desire to eat junk food that I once did. I will indulge once in a while; there's no harm in that. It's no longer the basis of my diet, though, &, of course, that's a most excellent thing.
I'm the kind of person who gets bored easily, & that's one reason I've had fresh start after fresh start. I don't like where I'm going or I think it's not working. So I'll start over. Instead of just sticking it out, I get into a bit of panic mode or the like & forget any progress that I did make. Instead of recognising & celebrating my small victories, I look at my failures or a potential to fail. I have a fear of failure, but I also have a fear of success on some level. Why do I have a fear of success? I honestly don't know. It could be because I'm a perfectionist - although you wouldn't think it to look at the mess in my home (but that's a whole other issue I won't talk about right now; maybe another time) - & that I might never see any success as ever being good enough.
Whatever the reasons for hardly ever contuining on toward my goals or keeping on with things I've started fitness-wise or the like, I'm done with that. I've decided to press on this time & to not change what I'm doing, aside from my attitude.
So what brought about this attitude change? It's been coming for a long time, but the one thing that brought it to where it is now is something my dad said on Saturday. I was talking about a change my diet I might have to make if it turns out that I have a certain medical condition (I won't go into that here), & he laughed & very openly expressed his doubt that I could stick to a diet. That hurt! It's true that I don't always stick to diets or the like, but I know that I CAN do it. I really can! It still hurt, though, & it made me determined to prove him wrong. I will go on that diet if it turns out that I need to, but for now, I'm just going to prove him wrong in other ways. Like keeping on with what I've been doing, especially keeping Coca~Cola out of my life.
I'm a stubborn person who keeps on with things the more that people bug me about things For example, if someone keeps pushing me to do one thing that I really don't want to do & don't have to, I'll stubbornly keep on in my own way. It's helped me in may ways, although it can be a hindrance. This time, though, it'll keep me going & will help me.
So, yeah! I'm keeping on & will NOT fail!! To fail in this would be to give up & to start over, & I'm sick & tired to death of that kind of failure. Enough is enough. Time to carry on!!