Stop the insanity. Please.
Monday, April 13, 2015
I am starting to think doctors work WAAAY too hard at pushing pregnant women (or maybe just fat pregnant women??) to be healthy. Like they're paranoid we won't listen and do healthy things, so they have to tell all kinds of horror stories and generally be terrible and cause me mental problems.
It started in early pregnancy. "Now, because of your ... 'larger size', we want to be careful you don't gain too much weight." Okay. That's so quaint by the way, I know I'm obese.
Next appointment: "You don't want to gain weight too fast." Yes, they told me. So I've been cautious. I've gained 0 pounds so far. Which you would know if you'd, you know. LOOOOOOK AT MY CHAAAAAAAART.
Next appointment: "Here's a list of terrible things that will happen to your baby because you're obese. It's important you don't gain weight too fast." STILL gained 0 pounds so far. IS ZERO TOO $%&*#$% FAST FOR YOU???? "I'm sure doctor Other Guy would be happy to refer you to a nutritionist." "I actually know a lot about how my body responds to different foods and calorie amounts, and activity. I lost 50lbs last year. I ran a 5k the day before I found out I was pregnant."
That's fine. Just assume I sit on the couch eating triple portions of fast food and bon bons all day, because in your mind that's what obese people do. Don't in any way get to know me as an individual patient or anything. Be sure to NOT READ MY CHART AND SEE THAT I'VE STILL GAINED NOTHING. ARrrrrrrrrrrGH.
I'm so irritated by the constant "you're obese/don't gain too fast" thing when I was gaining really slowly or not at all. Which is the dangerous condition? Gaining too much too fast, or being obese to begin with? Because if gaining were the problem, you'd stop giving me the horrifying list. Seeing as how I'm NOT GAINING. If it's just that I'm obese to start with, guess what? I DON'T HAVE A $%^&*#$ TIME MACHINE. So maybe we could just... talk about how to have a healthy pregnancy instead of constantly repeating horror stories.
Being a person on the healthier end of the obesity spectrum (YES THIS EXISTS) - you know, was in the process of losing, eating healthy and active - doesn't in ANY WAY mitigate the effects of obesity that you're talking about??? Oh, you don't know, because you don't actually know Jack Crap about obesity, you just know some statistic you read in your ob/gyn textbook. WELL THANKS. You're a font of NOTHING.
(These were all male doctors btw.)
Almost 3 weeks ago I had my 1 hour glucose test (tests for gestational diabetes -how well your body processes a set amount of sugar in an hour).
My first one in early pregnancy (an extra one -- yes because of my weight) I did great.
This one, not so much. It was "almost" high (like 1 point from failing).
So I had to go back and take a 3 hour one, which was far less pleasant. And also hear about all the Terrible Awful Life Ruining things that will happen to me and my wee tiny parasite as a result of the diagnosis I don't even have yet. AGAIN.
(See that?? Haven't even gotten the results yet.)
But it's causing me issues. Mainly, I'm now completely and totally paranoid about possibly having gestational diabetes to the point that I'm afraid to eat. BECAUSE OMG CARBS. WILL KILL US BOTH.
It's pretty stressful. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be calm right now.
So I spent like 2 days crying about it, and then I made a decision.
1) clean the fridge, FINALLY, go through recipes and meal plan, and shop. No more "Hmmmm, whatever shall we eat for dinner tonight, and maybe just cereal because I'm too lazy to cook or figure something else out." Pick out some stuff, get some groceries, make it.
2) TRACK. Stop obsessing about how many carbs you MIGHT be eating and go find out, doofus.
The good news?
Today I went back to a lot of my "old standbys" from when I was losing weight - breakfast lunch snack & planned dinner - and it was not that difficult. Tracked everything. Not that hard!
The not so good news?
If I eat what I'm planning on eating for dinner I'll have consumed 1100 calories today.
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
In fact, a free online calorie calculator for pregnancy says I need about 2900 calories a day in the third trimester.
I'm obviously not going to go home and eat 1800 calories for dinner, I just also pretty obviously need a DIFFERENT plan for tomorrow.
This is complicated by the fact that I actually have NO IDEA how many carbs are "ok" and how many are "too much".
This is right up there with stupid useless weight loss advice, you guys! This is the advice of my stupid doctors: "Be careful you don't eat too many carbs." THAT IS POINTLESS. I'M GOING TO NEED AN ACTUAL NUMBER DIPSTICK.
Goes with how I can't stand the "It's simple, eat less move more!" people. Eat HOW MUCH less and move HOW MUCH more, DIPSTICK???? Seriously???? amounts matter!
I found some articles online (which also helpfully detail all the awful complications/side effects. THAAANKS.) that said something like 25g at breakfast, 30g at lunch, 15g in a snack, 30-45 at dinner.
That's like... nothing. 115g total? I can't think of anything else I can eat with dinner that won't add more carbs. (Including my planned dinner I'm at 105 for today. Which is great except SEE ABOVE THAT'S BECAUSE I ATE NOOOOTHING.)
Do I need to start eating huge piles of eggs and meat at every meal? Because vegetables have carbs too. Also, high protein diets have been shown to contribute to preeclampsia, which I'm ALSO at higher risk for due to my weight, soooooooooooooooooooo....
I'm sort of losing my mind, and who knows when I will get these stupid test results back. They made me wait 3 weeks last time. I can't go 3 weeks of this insanity.
In an attempt to "educate" me about possible risks and encourage me to be healthy, my doctors have pretty much given me an eating disorder.
THANKS SO MUCH.
I might call them later and ask them what the heck is going on/what can I do in the meantime. Even if no one reads this blog it will have been worth writing because I think I'm finally angry enough to call them out on their stupid crap.
My heart goes out to all the overweight and obese people who deal with this stupidity ALL THE TIME just trying to get regular medical care. I was very lucky to have non-crappy doctors pre-pregnancy. Now I know what it's really like out there.