MAMABEAR372
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5-2-15

Saturday, May 02, 2015

I am writing this in an effort to organize my thoughts.

JJ is moving back in a couple weeks for the summer. We have moved the house around to allow our youngest and us to have more room since it was just the three of us now, instead of 5. We have decided to put up the bunk beds in the downstairs bedroom and give JJ the bottom bunk. That way we are accommodating him yet not moving the whole house around again. I live in a small 750 sq ft house with 2 bedrooms, one down stairs, one upstairs. One bathroom for us to share, which we have mastered, a galley kitchen and small living room. It was built as a cottage for the rich to visit during the summers WAY BACK in the early 1900's. I LOVE the location. Honestly the location keeps me here. We have put the house up for sale in the past and had interest immediately at higher offers than asking price but pulled the house off the market because we just couldn't make the move. It was stable and had beautiful views despite the tiny size for the five of us. We do have the idea floating around in our head of getting a bigger place again though. The market has crashed around here and we wouldn't get now what we could have back then. Thinking about making it a rental house for our oldest and his friends.

Anyway. Been putting off going through the downstairs bedroom. And upstairs for that matter. Hubby has been working a TON and I can not and should not be doing some of this stuff on my own for safety sake. My older two sons are unable to help due to their schedules too. So it is up to me to organize this among other things. I AM up for the challenge.

Books and toys need to be gone through and figure out what to pitch and what to donate. Garage sales do not work where I live, I have tried so many times and it just doesn't work. So I have been more than ok with donating. I think I will wait to go through the youngest ones clothes again until it is stably warmer out and shorts are the main choice. So BOOKS and TOYS. His room has a twin bed, TV with corner TV stand, fairly large desk and dresser. He only uses his closet for toys...along with under his bed and his desk...ugh boys... So I think I will move his dresser to the closet. He can have the dresser for his clothes and JJ can hang his clothes and use an under bed storage container that he uses at college anyway. This will free up some space in the room itself. Oh and a big Joe bean bag chair is in there too! I may donate that, but we will see, the kids love it.

I think JJ's TV, crates and other items will have to go into storage. He plays guitar and has...3 or 4 of them so he will probably want to keep those in the bedroom. Hubby and I were up until 3 a.m. talking about everything because we just haven't had time to. Gotta do what you gotta do when you can do it and it took until 3 a.m. to have any type of convo about anything.

So, BEDS- bunks- CHECK
Dresser, into closet- check
Desk, donate books, recycle magazines- check
One TV into storage- Check
Big Joe chair- ?
Guitars- ?
Toys- ?

Now...people reading this may think none of this has anything to do with exercise, diet and weight loss. To me...it very much does! My thoughts are just a tornado in my head of tons of things that need to get done and how to sort them into a list that matches what my hubby finds priority too. I just want to screech on the breaks hard with my thoughts, and that is what this blog is doing for me. Yesterday afternoon, I was feeling proud of my bike times and trying to deal with all these things that need to get done, the kids room only being one. I am tackling only one or two things at a time and then allowing myself to pick up thoughts on the other things instead of overwhelming myself with the tornado of thoughts. I dipped in self control with food yesterday afternoon. Not horribly bad. But the carbs...I went to where I should not go. I can have carbs, and I knew what I was doing and started out as innocent, but went to 3 servings of fruit roll ups, 2 servings of organic chips I had bought for JJ solely. But! I stopped myself and said that I was on my way of spiraling out of control and had to STOP! None of this is a huge derailment and I counted what I was doing which kept me from doing the mindless eating. But I asked myself WHY. WHY is because there is so much that needs to get done. I needed to coordinate and get on the same page as my husband so there would be no butting of heads and we had not had any time together in quite some time to do so. I should have known I was stressed about this. I was a non stop cleaning and organizing machine yesterday with the thought that if I did such and so thing, then hubby wouldn't have to and that would give him that much more time with me. I NEEDED TO HAVE THAT TALK WITH HIM. And bless his worn out overworked heart...he willingly talked with me. It was nice. It started out as me giving him the opening to vent about work. There is a storm of things happening in his company. We talked about my extended family and how he sees they get mad at me for not calling or writing or texting more than I do. Yet I am the only one to do the contacting and visiting. WHY does it all fall on me? I cried some and decided I just need to quit trying to figure that out and just live life as it comes. We talked about what I have been working on. We talked about JJ and Dryw and Charlie and that helped move us into the topic of the list of things we each had prioritized in our own heads. They didn't match. HA HA BIG SUPRISE! So I let him know what I needed from him, and what my priorities were and why and it must have made sense to him.

Well, I am incapable of sleeping in sometimes. He even put up black out curtains for me in hopes I would on the week ends. Didn't work. Oh well. I have not been sleeping much. Too much going on in my brain. So I got up early. Did some cardio. Not enough for my own opinion for myself. I am tired. I am anxious. I WILL do more cardio today on top of all the other things I want to get done today. I made some coffee in hopes it gives me that pep I need to power through. I drank a ton of water already. I do need to stop and eat I am very bad at that.

The next thing I want to do which is tripping me out (yes, an 80's term lol) is I have decided to but just need to jump into doing it...is go through my clothes again. But this time...get rid of anything too big or too small. Doesn't matter...just donate it! This way I will reward myself for weight loss. And feel the need to work harder if I put weight on. No more sliding and having the plan of- oh these are too small well I have those that fit. NO! keep what fits now. Donate the rest! Maybe this is my new way of discipline vs. reward system. This is so hard to do! It also gives me reason to work harder for the reward. I told hubby I was going to do this then take all my garment racks down and get rid of them. I don't think he believes me lol. HA! I don't know if I believe me! My mind is made up.

So! those are the first 2 things I am stopping at. Yes, long winded and all but I needed to do this. Told hubby last night I knew I needed to make lists. But I knew I would lose those lists....side effect from getting older! Mom calls these the wonder years. " I wonder where I put those lists". I have been thinking of her so much lately. There is a giant hole in my soul and heart when it comes to her. I will just stop there with that thought because I feel myself getting emotional and choked up.

Ok, I've had some coffee, done some cardio, let fresh air into the house, hubby is sleeping in which is much needed and deserved, I got a roast into the crock pot for dinner so I don't have to deal with that, it is a beautiful day and supposed to be 75 out, I need to eat and make sure I make time to do that.

I keep telling myself to deal with one thing at a time. I am a massive multi-tasker. I do it well. I am trying to teach myself to just STOP, don't get caught up in the tornado of things. Do one thing at a time. IT IS OK TO DO ONE THING AT A TIME. I guess I am seeing that fault in me that my husband likes but doesn't like, that I always considered an asset. I submerge myself into doing everything...work, work, work. I need to balance. So, this blog is about me trying to figure out how to do that. And that it is ok to do that. I think I get this trait from my father. He is like that. I see the do, do, do in him and admire it yet don't like it in him. Wonder how he can possibly take in things and relax. When I guess I do it myself also. I AM able to relax more easily than him though! But I can now see how or rather where I get the habit of having so many irons in the fire.

Alright. Done sorting. It helped and I hear hubby stirring upstairs. I need to move on with the day. I am glad I took this time for myself.
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