I have really been struggling lately. I’m binge eating 3-4 times a week after work to deal with the stress and anxiety. Almost always I binge on fast food. Eating large amounts of crap makes me feel depressed and disgusting which makes me sad, unhappy, stressed and anxious and like an utter failure and those feeling are not conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Also the weight gain is devastating. I tried on my wedding dress and I couldn't zip it up. This is not acceptable.
I think my low tolerance for stress and anxiety is being exacerbated by my inability to fall asleep before 3 AM most nights and by getting between 3-4 hours of sleep tops. I’ve even gone to work on an hour of sleep before. I was miserable the entire day and most days I’m sleepy, tired, unmotivated, crabby and find it really hard to focus.
On the weekends I end up sleeping up to 12 hours as my body tries to catch up on sleep but when I’m not sleeping enough 5 days out of the week 1-2 days of extra sleep isn’t really beneficial in the grand scheme of sleep.
I finally broke down and made an appointment with a therapist to deal with my mental health and a neurologist/sleep therapist to help my body figure out how to fall asleep earlier. From the survey I took on their website it sounds like my body’s circadian rhythm is off so my body doesn't naturally get a cue to wind down and get tired when everyone else does. Hopefully both of these treatments can help me get healthy and happy and relaxed and well rested.
So yesterday was the first day in a long time where I didn’t binge and I went to the gym and worked out. I forgot how awesome and strong I feel after a good workout and the amazing feeling when I’ve eating well all week and gotten plenty of water and fruits and veggies. My body and mine just feel good. Let me tell you, after months of darkness and harsh self-talk I realized the happy feelings afterwards and pride I felt are the feeling I need to nurture and grow. I felt so good that I want to repeat that feeling over and over and over again
Happiness, pride, determination, happiness, pride, determination, happiness, pride, determination and joy. Yeah!
Now on to my Eats
What I ate Wednesday
Breakfast: Eggs, potatoes with chorizo, salsa and corn tortillas. Breakfast at the cafeteria at work.
Lunch: Subway 6 inch turkey sub with baked lays and iced tea
Snack: On my way to the gym. Half a protein bar
Dinner: Slow cooker chili with toppings and a cup of strawberries for dessert.
Exercise: 40 minute on the elliptical who I will affectionately refer to as Channing Tatum going forward. Yup I'm about to get all hot & sweaty with Channing Tatum (lol) and legs.
your welcome ladies
Calories burned: -335
Carb count: 203 (not a good carb day. I had carbs at every meal and my blood sugar numbers showed it. I need to say around 100-150 so that’s what I will be working on the rest of the week)
Weigh in #3 Countdown to Wedding
Countdown to wedding (17 weeks left)
Starting weight: 227
Current weight: 226.6 (-.4) I weighed myself over the weekend and was surprised I had lost anything what with all the binging and all. I’ll take it!