How Did I Get Back Here?

Sunday, July 12, 2015

I'm dismayed, and terribly upset with myself. I deal in facts, and here's the numbers:

May 2014 - just over one year ago, I ran a 5km marathon with my daughter in 34 minutes. I wasn't at my best, but I felt great and was prepared to keep working at it.
July 2014 - Injured my foot and quit the gym. Not a good choice.
November 2014 - I break 200 lbs for the first time in several years and am determined to get back on track.
November 2014 - February 2015 - I go through a tremendously stressful time, and am working more than I have in years. The result: High stress, little sleep, no personal wellness. I soothe myself with food.
March 2015 - My weight is now 212 lbs.
March 2015 - July 2015 - A new stress....I buy a new home (yay!) and blend my family with my partner. Wonderful life change, but getting my house ready to sell and going through that process takes months. On top of work, raising kids, and continuous open houses (therefore eating outside the home) I make one terrible choice after another foodwise. And exercise doesn't happen.
July 2015: My weight is no 223 lbs. Higher than it has been in a decade. I am devastated. Dumbfounded. Ashamed. Can barely recognize myself in that number. Even worse, I don't feel like me anymore.

I must do what I know works. I must put myself and my health first. Not surprisingly, my partner has also gained weight this year as the stress of constant work, moving, and not sleeping has impacted him (yes, I've done all the research on stress and sleep contributions to weight gain.) Fortunately our kids have not - they have maintained a healthy pattern of eating, sleeping, and exercise. I think maybe we have buffered it all, and yet continued to cook healthy meals for our kids. I dunno - but I know I'm not just saving myself, but setting a tone for our entire home.

So here's what I know works, and what I'm committing to do:
1. Use the trackers and deal with facts. My brain lies to me and tells me that one little bite won't hurt. I need to track everything I eat - I know from the past that I cannot be successful without this.
2. Blog. Reflecting on my progress every week (at minimum) is essential to maintaining my momentum.
3. Eat a primal diet - no wheat, no yeast. My nutritionist has identified this the sabotage to all my other work. I need to consider myself allergic to these ingredients.
4. Drink water. Lots of water! No alcohol. No coffee. My skin will thank me.
5. Exercise every day. Move! It doesn't have to be a marathon - in fact at this point I can't do one, but I do need to move every day.
6. Sleep.
7. Manage stress.
8. Other suggestions I have missed? Please - I'd love to hear from you.

I feel so, so sad today. I am angry with myself and ashamed. I've been here before and I know what freedom from these feelings is like...I can't believe I'm back here.

Thank you for listening.
~ Kim
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It sounds like you have a good plan in place. I wish you lots of luck!!
    1930 days ago
  • no profile photo LINDS32780
    weight loss is a journey. Be happy you noticed you were off track and winding yourself back around. 💜
    1930 days ago
    Good for you for making a commitment to do better! Good luck to you. emoticon
    1930 days ago
    Glad you found your way back to SparkPeople. The things you've mentioned really can make such a huge difference. I can so really relate to your story. I have a similar story, though the details and the stressors are different. Also eating similarly. I do occasionally eat grains, but mostly avoid them. It really helped get rid of chronic inflammation and pain. I recently reached the point you sound like you are now at back at the end of May, 2015. I've lost a dress size in inches, rediscovered my chin/neck line, increased my stamina, and lost just about 25 pounds in that time frame doing the very things you mention. I also gave the SparkCoach app a try and ended up joining for a year. It has really helped keep me focused on making the right choices and changes. May you reach all of your goals and rediscover yourself in the process. emoticon
    1930 days ago
    1930 days ago
    1930 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.