the photo that makes you cry

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

i went out for a bachelor party for some great friends on Saturday. it was so much fun! of course I ate and drank too much. I mean, I have yet to conquer the restaurant/bar/social scene when it comes to eating well and making good choices. i'll try again next weekend with a bbq.
one of the many partygoers posted pics on facebook from the night and thank goodness she didn't tag me! this pic is just awful! I have no idea why she would have posted it, or at least not crop it. it's a pic of me and dh and the top half of the pic is cute.
when I saw the pic I just couldn't believe it. there aren't many pics of me. I tend to avoid the camera and I'm usually the one who takes the pics. but I just look awful! I'm sitting down, so that doesn't help, plus I'm kind of leaning forward and over so it's a weird angle, but sheesh!
i look at the pic and wonder why my husband is hugging a manatee. this thought came after my first shock of seeing myself, who i still can't believe is me. then came the tears and the why?! why have i let myself become a manatee and why can't i change it?! what is this mental block that is stopping me from taking care of myself and doing what i need to in order to succeed and become healthy again.
i can't live this way anymore. i can't keep cheating myself and my family. i have to change and i have to change now! not just for a day or two, but for the long haul. i have to change my habits. i have way too many unhealthy habits and i need to fix that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I started to write a reply here, but it was WAY too long. I've copied it and emailed it to you instead.

    You just hit a cord with me. I want to help. emoticon

    2096 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5198989
    Pictures are the best motivation. Post the picture on your fridge.
    2098 days ago
    Oh my dear, no, you are beautiful even if you can't see it right now or don't like what you see. We are always our worst critic.

    Why can't you do it? I don't know... in your heart of hearts that's a question for you to answer. If you feel you are in your own way, then step around yourself (aka get out of your own way) and continue on your journey.

    You got this. You know what to do. You just have to do it. No matter what. Even if you don't feel like it. Especially when you don't feel like it.

    Your fellow Sparkers are here to support and encourage you. You have company, you are not alone on this journey!

    2099 days ago
    I have decided that this has to be a complete lifestyle change, not just something I am doing temporarily to reach a goal that I can then quit.
    2099 days ago
    This could be the day that you decide. Let this be the first of a long series of blogs about the trip to goal.
    2099 days ago
    awww, sweetheart, don't call yourself a manatee! I've lost more than a hundred pounds and kept it off for almost a year now. It CAN be done. But losing the weight doesn't make you love yourself more. You still have all the internal crap to deal with. You can do this. We're here for you! emoticon
    2100 days ago
    It will take hard work. It will take determination. It will not happen overnight. But, you can be the person you want to be and only you can do that! We are here to help, but you have to do it!
    2100 days ago
    You are not alone. Pictures were my worst nightmare for several years, especially full body shots. SP has been a huge support system for me in realizing that the person in the pictures I fear so much can change. I have lost 21 lbs. so far and I know I could not have done it without exercise, tracking my foods and all the amazing people I have met on SP. You can do this. I know you can!
    2100 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15235460
    Well written painful blog, but I admire your ability to put it on paper! I feel this same pain, as do many others. I can't live like this either and can't believe this is where I am.
    2100 days ago
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