the photo that makes you cry

i went out for a bachelor party for some great friends on Saturday. it was so much fun! of course I ate and drank too much. I mean, I have yet to conquer the restaurant/bar/social scene when it comes to eating well and making good choices. i'll try again next weekend with a bbq.
one of the many partygoers posted pics on facebook from the night and thank goodness she didn't tag me! this pic is just awful! I have no idea why she would have posted it, or at least not crop it. it's a pic of me and dh and the top half of the pic is cute.
when I saw the pic I just couldn't believe it. there aren't many pics of me. I tend to avoid the camera and I'm usually the one who takes the pics. but I just look awful! I'm sitting down, so that doesn't help, plus I'm kind of leaning forward and over so it's a weird angle, but sheesh!
i look at the pic and wonder why my husband is hugging a manatee. this thought came after my first shock of seeing myself, who i still can't believe is me. then came the tears and the why?! why have i let myself become a manatee and why can't i change it?! what is this mental block that is stopping me from taking care of myself and doing what i need to in order to succeed and become healthy again.
i can't live this way anymore. i can't keep cheating myself and my family. i have to change and i have to change now! not just for a day or two, but for the long haul. i have to change my habits. i have way too many unhealthy habits and i need to fix that.