Friday, September 04, 2015
First I want to say thank you to any and all that have shown me support. It is much appreciated. Thank you!
Things are still in limbo around here, eggshells if you will. I keep praying for stability in our lives that was snatched away over the summer. And I am confident it WILL happen....eventually. Waiting is difficult and torturous at times. Every aspect of our lives seem to be getting messed up because of what has happened. Over all we are choosing to view it as a good thing in the end. But the time being since the end of July has been so aggravating and exhausting. We feel we are constantly holding our breath.
I have been quieter around this site. I have been adding different phone apps to my daily life to try to get myself straight. STRUGGLE is the word that describes me right now. I AM FIGHTING IT!!! I, according to the scale and my blood monitor, am not winning. Frustrating, sad, discouraging, infuriating. I told my husband today that I am down on myself. My lack of being able to pass up those treats. I have cut those down....again. But avoiding, which I need to do or find swaps, is completely difficult. I told him I have been really watching my food intake. Yes, I admit to being naughty, but over all I am being good for me. I told him my weight has went up all week. I feel I am being punished. He was good this time around. He thinks it is my medications. Maybe, maybe not. He asked me what I feel would work for me. I told him and he said " I know you are restricted in what you can eat, if you feel you need to eat a certain way to help you, I will do my best to help." I have never heard him be that directly supportive. It made me cry. I tear up now thinking about it. I think he sees how badly I work to get better.
Some days my pain is worse than others and I struggle to be as active as I want to be. Lately it has been bothering me. I am changing around some things that may help, with permission of my doctor. I think I will resurrect getting together with my husband to make meal menus for a couple weeks at a time. He enjoyed knowing what dinner day had what, and I could just tell myself- ok I made this today. It keeps groceries on point and keeps us from straying.
My weight has been going up. From 189 where I was ecstatic and shocked of that progress to now...today...209. I went up several pounds just this week. Pounds do effect blood sugar levels too so I do need to pay attention. But I am dealing with both.
Anniversary is a week from tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone that is being supportive. It is needed.
I will keep my chin up and keep moving on no matter what gives me the one two punch.