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Figuring things out.10-12-15

Monday, October 12, 2015

It has been a heavy tough time in life this year. I recently got news about my oldest son having severe mental health issues which has me more than concerned. He has gotten himself help and I thank God for that. I pray it helps him. He scares me with his mental stability and I know I have to trust his doctor will do her best to help him and have faith that God will protect him and bring him through this. But honestly I am terrified, concerned, know I am not at fault nor can I fix him. I can only be patient, understanding, available, supportive and show I love him more than he will ever realize. I try to not cry, and tell myself it will be OK. I have lived my life going through the severity of severe mental health issues with my mom and brother. But to have a son, have to deal with something I am overly aware of how serious severe mental issues can be, is just ......I can't even put a word to it. I also am the go to for my son in college who is doing better with his life. He does now come to me for guidance. And my youngest son started middle school this year and I am doing all I can to help him to get out of drowning in his classes. He went from Fs to Cs and is working his butt off to do better. Then my husband. His job has and still is running him through the ringer. We got into a fight last night because I need him to help me, stand by me with everything with the kids. We made them together, we raise them together. We patched up our fight and got understanding from each other. I even got a genuine appology that came out of the blue by him to me that I have waited years for and needed desperately. I told him that his appology meant the world to me. My overall point in marking this day and my thoughts is that I realized tonight, I am putting everyone's needs before my own. And I am absolutely sure I will pay at my next doctor appointment in November. I foresee 3 month checks again. It is my nature to give my all to those who are going through something. I love my family and there is so much pain and stress. I am sorting out what is temporary pain and stress. My oldest son unfortunately is in for a lifetime of difficulty. I hurt so badly for him and want him to be OK and safe. He is in charge of that though, not me. I am extremely proud of him being brave enough to get help. Deep breath here.............wipe my tears........suck it up and put on my brave face since my two youngest aren't aware there brother is dealing with things. They aren't blind though and my middle son is asking me questions about it to which I answer vaguely. Sigh........ OK, back to life.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry for all that you all are going though! I really hope things look up soon for you and your family. emoticon
    2008 days ago
    You have always shown unbelievable strength when it comes to the stresses in life. I can definitely see you as the person to take care of others before yourself, and I know you know that helping your loved ones won't work if you forget the self-care and let yourself fall by the wayside. I have so much faith that you all will get through these things, even the here-to-stay stresses. You and your husband seem to have come so far already, and I can tell that the communication between you two has increased. Keep your head up, love. And keep writing. You have a spark family who is here for you ((hugs))!
    2010 days ago
    2011 days ago
  • MWARNER211
    I am going through similar similar its scary. I pray for your strength.
    2011 days ago
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