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this is long, aging parents, aging bras, and stress!!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

It almost felt like fall just flew by and went straight to winter. We have been having to use the furnace the last few mornings.
So, on Monday, it was sunny and probably around 65. An absolutely beautiful day to be outdoors, exercising, doing last minute fall yard projects.
However, I spent the day sititng in my car, waiting.
Waiting on my mom to go to the doctor, then to pick up her knee brace, then to the grocery store.
By the time I got her home, groceries unloaded, etc, I had just enough time to drive back to the track for an hour walk.
To say the least.
So, my back has been killing me for two days and last night I got into my big tub of hot epsom salt water to soak away the pain and stress.
Knowing today is supposed to be sunny and high in the 70s, I was looking forward to getting to the track early for a good hour walk, then driving up into the park, maybe doing some trail walking.
Spending some time with a friend on her one day off and maybe sitting on her deck in the sun while theres still sun.
Then my mom calls saying she might need me to take my dad to the hospital today for his ct scans. Two different scans.
Keep in mind, my dad cannot, or in my jaded opinion, will not try to walk.
He will use his walker when its his convience, but most of the time, he lays in his hospital bed that my mom set up in the living room.
He has a jazzy, and he has a ramp, he will try to get outside in the yard, but my mom would rather he spend the day in the doctors office, and at some center having tests.
She even talks about making plans for him to go to Tennessee to a back surgeon.
I told her there is very little chance the surgeon will do surgery on his back at this point.
I seriously believe my dad would try and would improve if he didnt have her there catering to his every desire, food in bed, bathing him, etc.
I have seen him sitting up, I have seen him walking with his walker, sitting outside on the porch,
He has vastly improved since all of this started back in the spring.
He has been on IV antibiotics and morphine for months.
Yet she insists he is only getting worse and his ability to walk is all but gone. I truly believe she has a form of munhausen and uses my dad as a way to get attention for herself.
She loves to tell everyone how wore out she is from having to care for him, and how she needs a break. Yet, she cooks his food and carries it to the bed, and brings him home greasy deep fried food that he asks for, and he is a diabetic. Instead of cooking healthy food and helping him use the walker to get to the table.
She says he is in too much pain to sit up. And they are slowly going into debt over using the ambulance at 150 dollars per trip. She says he cannot sit up in the car for the 30 minute ride to the hospital.
And as if all of this wasnt bad enough, I seem to be the only one around to deal with their failing health. Well, I try my best to live a somewhat healthy lifestyle. I try to stay away from deep fried foods, I gave up soda 4 years ago, walk every day that I can. Eat lots of veggies and try to lose weight. I do not want to end up like that. I might, who can forsee the future. But if I do it wont be from living an unhealthy lifestyle and then wondering why I am in such horrible shape. So, back to the subject.
My brother is dealing with his own issues with his sick wife. She has Gullian Barre and has been in the hospital for over a month, unable to walk and losing use of her muscles, yet her insurance will not pay for a nursing home. They kept her in the hospital an extra week just scrambling to find a place that would take her. No luck. So last night he got to bring her home, to a hospital bed that he has set up in his home to care for her. With their 11 year old son to be witness to this. My sister works 12 hours a day in the hospital then comes home to care for her grandson, and takes care of her own sick husband.
I look at my man and am just glad that he is still able bodied. at 47, he has his share of aches and pains from working underground in a coalmine for 25 years. Currently laid off and the coal industry all but destroyed, no jobs in our area. Stress begins to take over.
So, I sit here, having coffee, and waiting for the phone to ring. She hasnt called yet at nearly 8 am and I think his appointment was at 845.
I am assuming the ambulance showed up to take him.
For yet another CT scan, that is in my opinion unncessary. His pain stems from laying in bed hours and hours as much as any infection and as I have tried to explain to her, if he still had that much infection that the antibiotics arent helping, he would surely have perished by now.
My mom, in her very early 70s, you would think is in full blown dementia. But she has her mind to her when she wants to use it. She overloads herself with medication and lives under the idea that all of her children are still children and its up to her to get involved in their personal business, and creates discord with each of us, to the point that no one speaks to each other and everyone says the other isnt doing their share.
All I know at this point is that I know I sound and come across as selfish. But I am unable to lift on my dad, getting him in and out of the car, in and out of doctors offices, etc.
I am dealing with my own health issue in the form of my back pain, and stress and depression over not being able to find even one damn doctor who will try to go to bat for me to get the surgery that I NEED. I have friends who have had breast reductions who were no where near in the shape I am in. yet their insurance paid, and mine wont. Their doctors went to work on their behalf, and mine just says, lose more weight, get your bmi down and then your insurance will pay.
I feel like I am all alone and fighting a losing battle. No matter how much I walk, workout, exercise, eat healthy, I cannot ever lose enough weight to get to the point I need to be. Maybe in a year, or two, if I am lucky, I could have saved enough money to pay a substansial down payment of the surgery and set it up in payments. But now, Honey laid off and bills piling up and no jobs to be found around here.
I am unable to work currently, do to the problem I am experiencing and even if I could and just chose to work thru the pain, I know there are no jobs. It is just a losing battle all the way around and I will put on my walking gear and hit the track and try to enjoy the sun, it is the only thing at this point that I have to look forward to.
Stress relief for an hour or two.
Now if I can just find a good workout bra because I am in desperate need of a new one. I had been shopping the enell bras and those were the only bra I ever found that offered me the support and good quality lasting bra I could find. But now they seem to have changed, the material is poor, and they arent lasting. I find them too tight in the band and not enough support in the upper part. I hate when I find a good product and suddenly they become cheap and poorly made. I long for the day when I can walk into any department store and just buy a bra off the wall like every other woman in America.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hang in there, Val. I wish I had a magic wand to fix everything...all I can do is say I'm here for you....and things really will get better.
    emoticon emoticon
    1830 days ago
  • GORDON66
    Dealing with aging parents is a challenge, so I can relate to your frustrations. Taking care of and making time for yourself is extremely important. I'm hoping for the best for you. emoticon


    1831 days ago
    I forgot to mention that the picture of the starfruit in the sky on this page is AMAZING! Did you take it?
    1831 days ago
    Wow. You and I are leading very similar lives. emoticon
    I just read your blog and wanted to reach out and give you a great big hug. I'm going to friend you.

    Hang in there.

    My 80 year old dad put himself into a very similar position after 2 hip surgeries 2.5 years ago. He flat out refuses to do any PT or any rehab to help himself. He'd much rather just sit around and "wait for his body to heal itself". He's now on a walker full time and his other hip is shot but is not a surgical candidate because he is a non-compliant patient. He of course doesn't see it that way because he is so narcissistic. He shouts at and bullies my mother to the point of frustration and depression but she is worried about leaving him alone because he falls sometimes. She and I cannot pick him up because he is such a large man with no strength. We then have to call 911. Did I mention he's also incontinent and hasn't had a shower since March? *sigh*

    emoticon emoticon
    1831 days ago
  • CEEMEE11
    been there done that. You will make it. zjustvremember one day you will look back and wish no matter how much time you had to give to your aging parents that you had it back. At least you had them for that time
    1831 days ago
  • no profile photo APPLEGREENGIRL
    Wow. You have a lot on your plate! I wish I had great advice or something to alleviate your stress...thank you for sharing and please keep posting. I hope today goes well for you.
    1831 days ago
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