Stuck in a rut
Friday, October 30, 2015
I am stuck in a rut! I cannot seem to get myself out of. Ever since September I have just not been able to maintain a healthy diet or exercise. I do good for a while, but then I just go back to my old bad habits!
I have been reading about thoughts, happiness, etc. I am trying to change my mindset because I know if I can't change that I will never successfully change my diet and exercise.
I use food as an emotional crutch, as do many people! I also seem to use my weight as a shield against things. I'm not sure how to explain it, except I am shy (until you get to know me) and I use my weight as an excuse not to be more social. And as a shield against being made fun of about other things. I talk bad to myself about my weight and as long as no one makes fun of anything else, they can't say anything worse to me than I already do to myself!
As with many people food is a reminder of good and more secure times! If I am in a bad mood I want French fries because that reminds me of my mom and grandmother, either making me fries or taking me somewhere to get fries. Comfort foods are fast food, chicken fried steak (or hamburger meat, grilled cheese, ice cream, hot dogs...
I ate bad yesterday because of feeling frustrated and guilty about my parents. They want us to come to their house (70 miles away) so they can see Cassidy for Halloween, and to help paint their house (which I loosely told them I would help with a while back, but there was no date ). Not that I even really think I will help that much with the painting, it is more they want us to come than really help. We also have two other loose commitments this weekend. One too my MIL, although it is very up in the air! And one to one of my dh's friends to help move (still somewhat up in the air).
My husband also has issues with his job, it is stressful, and also up in the air right now. So that stresses me out.
I have not cleaned our house or done laundry in about 10 days. Mostly because of not feeling really great, but partially just because I don't want to. My husband keeps up with his own laundry, and helps with the dishes and stuff, but most of the rest falls to me. And he even gets a little upset when I ask him to keep our dd busy while I clean. He works from home, and watches her three days a week. Stressful to him I know, but possible due to the nature of his job.
I also feel incredibly guilty any time I need " me time". Having my dh watch my dd 3x per week I feel guilty any extra time he has to watch her. But, between work and home I don't get much me time. And the first second of me time I get my dh wants to have couple time. Not that my dh and I don't need more couple time, both physical and emotional/social. I hear that gets better as the kiddo gets older.
Our finances are not the greatest (not horrible, but not great), and there is the looming possibility of my husband loosing his job. And even if he does keep it, it is stressful, and the business is probably always going to be shaky!
I just feel like everything is just so jumbled right now. Not that things couldn't be much, much worse, but I feel like everything is a mess! And I like order and neatness!