10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 13,390

Stuck in a rut

Friday, October 30, 2015

I am stuck in a rut! I cannot seem to get myself out of. Ever since September I have just not been able to maintain a healthy diet or exercise. I do good for a while, but then I just go back to my old bad habits! I have been reading about thoughts, happiness, etc. I am trying to change my mindset because I know if I can't change that I will never successfully change my diet and exercise. I use food as an emotional crutch, as do many people! I also seem to use my weight as a shield against things. I'm not sure how to explain it, except I am shy (until you get to know me) and I use my weight as an excuse not to be more social. And as a shield against being made fun of about other things. I talk bad to myself about my weight and as long as no one makes fun of anything else, they can't say anything worse to me than I already do to myself! As with many people food is a reminder of good and more secure times! If I am in a bad mood I want French fries because that reminds me of my mom and grandmother, either making me fries or taking me somewhere to get fries. Comfort foods are fast food, chicken fried steak (or hamburger meat, grilled cheese, ice cream, hot dogs... I ate bad yesterday because of feeling frustrated and guilty about my parents. They want us to come to their house (70 miles away) so they can see Cassidy for Halloween, and to help paint their house (which I loosely told them I would help with a while back, but there was no date ). Not that I even really think I will help that much with the painting, it is more they want us to come than really help. We also have two other loose commitments this weekend. One too my MIL, although it is very up in the air! And one to one of my dh's friends to help move (still somewhat up in the air). My husband also has issues with his job, it is stressful, and also up in the air right now. So that stresses me out. I have not cleaned our house or done laundry in about 10 days. Mostly because of not feeling really great, but partially just because I don't want to. My husband keeps up with his own laundry, and helps with the dishes and stuff, but most of the rest falls to me. And he even gets a little upset when I ask him to keep our dd busy while I clean. He works from home, and watches her three days a week. Stressful to him I know, but possible due to the nature of his job. I also feel incredibly guilty any time I need " me time". Having my dh watch my dd 3x per week I feel guilty any extra time he has to watch her. But, between work and home I don't get much me time. And the first second of me time I get my dh wants to have couple time. Not that my dh and I don't need more couple time, both physical and emotional/social. I hear that gets better as the kiddo gets older. Our finances are not the greatest (not horrible, but not great), and there is the looming possibility of my husband loosing his job. And even if he does keep it, it is stressful, and the business is probably always going to be shaky! I just feel like everything is just so jumbled right now. Not that things couldn't be much, much worse, but I feel like everything is a mess! And I like order and neatness!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • REBL57
    Just getting around to reading everyone's blogs..
    AND I second LITTLEWISDOM66's post about I'm still pretty much a FlyBaby, but it really did/does help, and as Flylady says, you can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes. Just set that timer and GO! You really can change your life a little at a time. By just dipping a toe in their system, I can have people drop in now and not be too embarrassed... though it did help when my girls moved out and on to college!.
    Flylady also added a section a few years back on dealing with "body clutter". I haven't looked at it myself but I am intrigued. Oh, and DO read up on the founders' life stories and what drove them to come up with their system. It will be encouraging to you now.

    Anyway, I hear ya on how you currently feel about things. With my first pregnancy my weight skyrocketed (gained 150 pounds in a little more than 2 years), mostly due to being really, REALLY unhappy with my life choices, and also due to some underlying health issues that came out and most painfully bit me in the proverbial butt while I was retooling to get back into the workforce. As I became pretty physically disabled along with my weight gain, plans to go back to work got derailed and for YEARS I actively avoided any sort of social engagement. I would say I was emotionally messed up as well--angry and sad, sad, sad, with 2 kids to raise, and a husband who was feeling robbed himself of the life he had expected, so was never home. My mom moved over to my side of the state and lived up the street in her effort to help, but she was in worse shape than I was. But we all muddled through and hey, my kids have forgiven me for not being the best mom or housekeeper, and I am working on forgiving myself. In trying to get myself back on my feet (literally), i used to try to dance with my kids (they are both dancing fools now), and I volunteered at both an animal shelter and at a thrift store that was affiliated with our local food bank because I could work around my kids' schedules. Ask around your area for a co-op daycare. You volunteer a few hours' a week to watch and teach a group of young 'uns in exchange for being able to drop off your little darling for a few hours a day. By the time a co-op formed here, my kids were already in school. But at the time it was like $30 a month in exchange for a certain number of volunteer hours. You'd be connecting with other parents too, and building a parents' grapevine and network you can rely on through the school years. And you would get your me time that wouldn't conflict with couples time. Make your couples time a priority--DH is going to be around after your kids leave the nest, so stay connected, stay friends, stay... lovers.
    I know this post went on kind of long, but remember you're not alone!
    -Rebecca (in the Great Northwest)
    1809 days ago
    I'll pray that you find the way out of your "rut."
    Now, I'll give my 2 cents of advice and hope I don't offend. When I had a young son, my husband worked long hours away from home. We had no friends or family near and could not afford childcare. I had no "alone" time. While my son slept all through most nights, he NEVER napped. I, like you, craved alone time. It wasn't going to happen and I learned that the more I thought about it, the more upset I'd feel. Then, I learned to accept what "is." I learned to change my thoughts to better ones. Instead of looking ahead all the time trying to get me time(and not getting it and feeling more and more frustrated and irritated and not always acted kind to the ones around me), I slowed down and focused on my son and how wonderful my time with him could be. I focused on all the things I could be grateful for. I realized that toddler time was precious and temporary. We "cleaned" hose together--He got to help with a dust cloth, or putting toys in the box, anything that he could be with me. Yes, things took forever, but, we had fun together and would take the dogs for long walks afterwards. What I'm trying to say is that most of the frustrations are from the wrong/misplaced mindset--at least for me. Hope this helps and remember, these times are temporary.
    1810 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15711341
    Right there with you emoticon do as you are able to & know things will come together in time.

    Today's simple recipe: say something nice to yourself & have this as part of your "me" time emoticon along with a warm/cold cup of tea, water, etc. & add in a few deep breaths ... Enjoy!

    1810 days ago
    Good for you for getting on here and writing about all that you are feeling and going through. Sometimes just getting out all your fears, can help you feel a little better. I hope you can find some "Me" time for yourself. You're important too, and you are definitely worth it. I agree with everyone about taking the baby steps with everything. I think it can really help to get you going on motivation and everything else. I also tend to do the "all or nothing" thinking and it really gets us no where:-( Be good to yourself and just don't give up on yourself. emoticon emoticon
    1811 days ago
    Looking at big problems makes us feel we need to create big solutions, which can be overwhelming. So break it down into pieces. Then take a piece here and a piece there. You create a positive history of things done. And this can be motivating to do "just one more little thing." Getting rid of the "globalized thinking" of all or nothing will help. Best wishes as you move forward. Oh yes, start keeping a gratitude list - one item every day, never duplicated. I use my "Status" listing on Spark. It helps balance youro perspective.
    1811 days ago
  • SUNSHINE5268

    I hope that you can find some way to save a few pennies here and there for a rainy day.... even if it is pennies at a time... it is something to lean back on to like buy a loaf of bread if needed.... I am learning that NOW... how to save ... its hard but I am determined...

    baby steps emoticon and soon we will both get there emoticon

    hope you feel better soon, hugs
    1811 days ago
  • SUNSHINE5268
    My lil sweet precious angel ((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))))

    first thank you for sharing your story.... we have a lot in common and know that you are NOT alone by any means.... a lot of us are IN your shoes as well.

    I am glad that you are on spark people... if nothing else... those few moments you get to spend on here... will help you feel included and belonging to a group of people that are compassionate and understanding

    but most of all... the reality that you are NOT alone, hugssssssssssssssssssss

    God bless you angel emoticon

    Enjoy the rest of your week and the upcoming holidays....
    1811 days ago
  • MITCHSTA1232
    Keep up the fight! You are worth it, and you will get out of your rut!

    Stacy emoticon
    1819 days ago
    Hang in there-I hope you feel some motivation and peace soon.
    1820 days ago
  • no profile photo FAR2CAFFEINATED
    Are you familiar with Her babystep philosophy fits well with spark's. Try her babysteps. Dont try to do more than the babysteps on getting started. Spark will fit nicely into the will feel so much power and control. :)
    1820 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.