11-3-15 (day 2)

I have felt the need to really zero in and focus on myself. Maybe in light of the past news I got, maybe not. I have had a rough year. The anniversary of 2 people I loved passing away beginning tomorrow and my birthday next month. Maybe I see the danger of me falling apart more and really spiraling out of control more than I already feel I am. So I am picking myself up by the boot straps and making sure I focus on me, then those around me. I have a habit of doing it the other way around. I have to break this habit. I thought I had then realized many months into this year that I have yet again started to put others before myself. This left me putting on weight again, and my blood sugar going higher and higher. Now, I need to focus on my blood sugar. I always have, but I need to do a better job! Weight loss will come with better control. So! With that said, next week is my 6 month A1c and kidney checks which terrifies me- I really do not like my Nephrologist. He is not a kind man. That in an of itself is motivation to get on better track!!!! So, after a stint of baking for hubby's coworkers, neighbors, kids, and friends....ok yes I indulged too...I am happy to say I am on day two of clean eating and cardio with weights and other things when soreness takes me over.

Yes, I see the pattern. I get all gung-ho and put on here that I am on track and so on and so forth. This time I am really going to give it a go to come on to the computer to write a little something like I used to to keep myself accountable. Nothing major but just to get out of my head the things I am facing and the things I have done both good and bad. It may get redundant but I am doing it for myself. I challenge myself to see how many days I can continue to be on track and walk the straight line. I know I will not be perfect...no one is. But I am working harder than I have in a year. So today is day 2. I would love to make it 365 days. But I will currently settle for 30 days. I will allow myself 2 days off a week of no intentional exercise. But plan on being more active on those days. I will allow myself to cook and bake yummy treats and try...TRY... some, but not over indulge.
I need to be good to myself, take care of myself. Yeah, maybe the mass found in my breast is a wake up call to stop slipping so badly. Maybe I am too hard on myself. But I feel I need to intentionally do things daily or almost daily to help myself. I do know the mass is not a cyst. I do know it is involved in a lymph gland. I am going to talk to my doctor more in a couple weeks about it. Other than that it is a big wait and see. That is difficult. And if they do another wait and see...that is going to be next to impossible, especially for my husband.
Ok, off to my day! Thanks everyone who stands by my side and walks through this with me. You are a precious gift in my life and I treasure you.