at the end of my rope, but its only the beginning.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Tonight I am sick. I am tired. I am sick and tired and my head hurts. My bp is up and I have eaten too much and exercised way too little in the last five days!!!
and tomorrow I have to, once again, take my dad to his doctors appointment.
This is really beginning to take a toll on me.
My sister and brother, without going too much into personal details, both have their own issues and sick family members to care for and are not available to do for my parents.
So, there is me.
I dont work, which makes me the one.
Now I hate to complain, I know this is the way it goes, parents age and children end up being the ones they turn to.
However, I really feel that alot of the appointments and running my mom sets up for herself and my dad is not 100 percent medically necessary.
My dad is doing much better and has been told by more than one doctor that his infection is almost entirely gone.
Unconvinced, my mom keeps making him appointments to go back to the doctor.
It is a long story, and made worse by a mother with a form of Munchausen, wherein she uses my fathers illness as a means to talk to and try to out doctor the doctors.
They are all pretty much telling him that he is better, his infection is nearly gone.
I dont understand why Hospice is still attending to him, other than the fact that my mother continues to tell them that he is getting no better.
So, off to the doctor, again tomorrow.
and of course, I am taking him because no one else is available to.
This creates a kind of discontent amongst family members.
Yes, I did have something else to do tomorrow. But what do you say when asked to take your sick father to his doctor??
How do you explain to your overbearing and hovering mother that the doctors arent going to tell him anything different???
This is taking an emotional toll on me. I see into the future and I see that as they continue to age, I am going to be the one to deal with it more and more.
I can hear people right now sayiing, well, isnt that what they did for you as a child??
But once I became an adult, NO!!!
My father treated and contines to treat his children and grandchildren poorly.
I sat here tonight recalling times, as a young single mom, trying to work and go to school, when I would need rides, when I was without transportation and being talked to like a dog for it.
He would have rather I stayed home and gotten welfare, as it wasnt his place to drive me around.
Tables have turned now and I have resentment and I know its useless to feel that way.
The past is the past, but its the future I dread!!!
As long as my mothers continues to insist on making doctors appointments for him and for herself, sometimes as many as 3 a week, who else is going to deal with this???
I have enough stress as it is, Honey has been permanetly laid off from his job, there are ZERO jobs in our area.
Every place he has gone says they arent hiring or they are laying off.
Even the lower paying jobs are part time or wouldnt make a difference in the bills as it is.
Times are very hard here right now and not looking up for so many.
My best friend and her husband are the lucky ones, he found work in another state, yet Honey doesnt want to relocate.
I am not only dealing with my parents, but with his unrelenting and unbudging attitute and looking at the bills piling up, but my own poor health as well.
I am not only not losing weight, I am not even walking as I was, and my foot issues continue to hamper my walks.
I am gaining weight and stress eating.
and I am sick of it and I am tired of it.
Sick and tired.