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1-3-16 (day 63)

Sunday, January 03, 2016

I am very tired today, so bad I can't focus straight. I have things to do. Tomorrow my youngest goes back to school. I have received emails of a missing assignment of his and have spoken to him about it and he is sad about it and doesn't think he can make it up. I need to talk to him again today about a plan of action for this missing assignment. He did put a different assignment on google share for another class while on vacation. I have no clue if that teacher saw that one. He was supposed to do it that way and I am unfamiliar with that type of homework hand in so the only way to check that on my end is through a school grade book sight. I did do that, but don't think it is recorded. I see no d's or f's in that class. I love my son so much, he is struggling so hard. Bless his heart for putting everything he knows how into raising his grades. I know he is giving it his best.

Well the visit from mother and father in law yesterday is done. Ended at 4 a.m. this morning. They finally went home. Ma fell in the bathroom here. I helped her back up. She loses her balance quite often. And loses her direction often too. I had to stop her from relieving herself in my son's bedroom. My house was not build wheel chair friendly so she has to shuffle to the bathroom and back. I accompanied her most times. She wasn't hurt so that is good.

Father in law. He is draining. I think he is trying to be better to me. I am absolutely exhausted from being around him. He smokes pipe too (outside) and it really bothers my sinuses. So today and last night I could only mouth breathe. With my chest and lungs acting up from one of my medications it is like breathing under water for me. Wheezing today. I took the allergy meds the doctor told me to but it didn't help. That is done! So I get some stress free time coming up to really work on progress.

I have house work to do today. But I know my body is crying for a nap so I will make sure I fit that in. I have been using that happy light for 3? days now and I am less down. Maybe it is working. Feels good to not feel down. Last night we took them to see Star Wars. We had all seen it already but they hadn't. I got a tub of pop corn and two drinks to share with one of the 7 of us. Someone took the drink but no one would eat popcorn and next thing I knew I had eaten the whole large tub. emoticon Embarrassing. emoticon Well, I need to kiss my mad spot about that and get glad and go forward because I can't change what I did. I can only own it and move forward. One way for me to work on that: I am a deal finder. I want the most for my money. I am also one who was taught to waste nothing. So, at the movies, I got the best deal for my money. And no one else was eating it so I didn't want it to go to waste so I ate it. Now, I get these traits from my father. HE was taught the same thing and taught it to me. When he was diagnosed with diabetes as an adult, he had to figure out how to unlearn those two things too or adjust them. He figured out how to adjust them. And what he does works for him. I have attempted the same thing. One lesson or homework assignment, if you will, was to make sure to not eat everything on the plate. Make sure you purposefully leave at least one thing. It is amazing how difficult that is for some people. I am a different creature. I am more of an all or none kinda thinker sometimes. As far as popcorn at the theater. I am a lover of it. Maybe because I am an X chain smoker and need something to do with my hands during the movie? But in my life I know I need to just not get it. My self control and my self discipline with that thing is just very difficult for me. Then to add on top of it stress from my in laws?! Forget about it! It was destruction waiting for me to pull the trigger. I knee bounce too, badly. My mom does that. Pretty harmless but annoying to other people. This whole food thing is a work in progress. "Still working on my master piece". Always will be and I accept that. Hopefully with all the visits done I can relax, breathe and calibrate myself.

Today I can just let go of so much that has had me into a ball of stress. And that will feel good. It has been a long couple months. Today I will catch up on house work, nap, know my limits, watch some football, and nurse myself back to a higher level inside myself.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are handling everything with a keen eye and a tremendous amount of awareness. That popcorn won't be in your system forever, and will certainly not defeat you. I'm always so inspired by you!
    1928 days ago
  • LLEWIS29003
    Very insightful, and You are doing well. When ever my mind tells me to eat thing I shouldn't, I tell my self being a size 12 feels better than a chocolate bar (eg)! ALWAYS WORKS!
    1928 days ago
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