Days 13, 14, 15: A struggle, a success, and a fall

Saturday, January 16, 2016

The last few days can be summed up as: I tried, I did the best I could, and I don't regret anything. ;)

Day 13: Stress level was high. I had doctor appointments that were out of town and took much longer than expected. So, I wasn't prepared. The appointment itself was stressful as the doctor was nervous and not "smooth" when she told me that I would need further testing on a lump in my breast. After talking to another doctor, I felt much more relief and I think this initial doctor just didn't have a good delivery. The tumor was labeled 4 on the suspicion level (of 0-6). I made it home with no issue and had good, safe, healthy food.

Day 14: Higher stress because I had my biopsy in the morning. The doctor reassured me that it was "probably nothing", but I still left the office feeling like I "deserved" a treat. There is a store across from the office that has amazing bulk chocolate milk balls that I always "treat" myself to when I'm shopping there. I drove to the parking lot, pulled into a space, told myself that I needed to go in there and shop anyway... Then, I realized that if I was going to break W30, it was NOT going to be for emotional eating. And, it was NOT going to be sugar. And, I realized I really wasn't that stressed out (the doctor had made me feel comfortable and at ease with the likelihood of it being benign), I was looking for an excuse to eat. I did, though, go to Chipotle for a steak salad (W30 compliant and very filling). I counted that as perfect success. One thing that made this day hard was that, due to the biopsy cut, I couldn't run, which would normally be my go-to stress reliever (other than food).

Day 15: Since the doctor said I might get results back this day, the stress had kicked back in. Also, we had no food in the house because I had pulled out of the store parking lot to avoid the chocolate balls the day before. I was hungry. We live in a small town, so getting groceries is no easy feat. I ate green beans for breakfast (delicious and satisfying, but I obviously needed protein to go with it). By lunch, I really wanted food and I really didn't want to go into town. And, I really wanted pizza. I decided that my sister was coming that night and I'd be breaking W30 with drinking, so I was just going to have the pizza. I made it, ate a piece, got disgusted, and stopped. I had brussel sprouts instead (notice, still lacking protein - tsk, tsk). At night, we went to a volleyball game and everyone went for pizza. This time, it was good pizza at my favorite place. So, I ate it. Plenty of it. I don't regret a bite. I tried to be as healthy as I could with pizza - whole wheat (if that even matters), thin crust, 1/2 amount of cheese. I had a salad and took off all the croutons. I passed on the bread sticks (the best damn bread sticks in town) and the toasted ravioli (oooohhhh, that was hard!). No beer, but I did have diet soda, which I didn't even think about being wrong until just this very second.

So, here I am on Day 16. I'm not throwing W30 out the window. I really like the way this eating has started getting my sleep on track and has really cleared up my skin. My energy levels are peak right now. I don't miss any particular category of food (sugar, wheat, dairy), but I do miss not being able to eat particular things (pizza, cheese/crackers, chocolate malted milk balls, wine and martinis). I'm going to finish up the rest of the month the best I can without being too concerned, with the exception of drinking this weekend with my sister. I'm not going to worry about little diversions from the program. I will not, though do sugar. I feel like the exclusion of sugar (and possibly white bread, since it has the same effect) is what is making the improvements in my overall body functioning.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I didn't know you were going through all this. You've always been a very strong and admirable person. I love you Carrie.
    1958 days ago
    Wow, that's a lot of stress and, yes, I'd enjoy eating during this time as well. I realize that isn't a SP type of thing to say, but I'm realistic. Wishing you good outcomes of your biopsy.
    1981 days ago
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