2-26-16 (day 117)
Friday, February 26, 2016
Well I got the reminder letter for my follow up mammogram and ultrasound for my breast yesterday. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have it on my mind. Especially when they put in the letter BOLDLY " A BREAST FINDING OF CONCERN SHOULD NEVER BE IGNORED DESPITE A NORMAL MAMMOGRAM." I suppose they put this on all follow up letters. All I got to say about that is that they didn't need to bold it, it would have stood out anyway to me. I am realistically preparing myself mentally. Could be no change, could be a change. I will tackle it either way. My husband and family are being incredible with me. I don't say much about it. Mostly because nothing has happened. But there is a scared spot for the unknown of the severity of what is on/by one of my lymph nodes in my breast. Giving it to God.
Alright, yesterday I wrote about a goal of plant base diet. My hubby is on board with this. I am able to do this. I have some allowances to this diet as I said such as possible eggs and possible dairy but am considering nixing those too. I, for medical reasons, need to watch grains and proteins. Not completely getting rid but not making them a substantial part of my meals. In my mind I do have my thinking set. Yet every now and then I must catch myself working around the rules I set for myself. Like...I can eat such and so of this food and still be in my carb range. BUT! It will have processed carbs. THAT I want to stay away from. THIS is a thing I really need to fine tune! I had a SP friend post on my blog how it is like an addiction to alcohol. Can't take that one drink without getting sucked in. I have given this scenario before myself about myself. I have conquered other addictions, I should be able to conquer this too. This is more difficult because this thing I need to conquer also is something my body needs to live...FOOD. I am working on really strengthening my mind with all of this. I really want to conquer my eating. I do great for awhile then relapse. I have a goal to not relapse.
My hubby and I have had talks about walking together again. He really wants to do that. We also have had talks about my issues with food. How I deal with other addictions and how he plays a big role in support or sabotage. For instance. We went to a concert a couple years ago where it was a festival. And we used to drink at that festival. We hadn't gone back since I dealt with drinking. So I was really scared to go there even though I knew I would have a great time. He had told me he wouldn't drink if I didn't want him to. Now on the surface that is supportive. As the person making the request to someone who doesn't have the issues I do, I feel it is unfair to ask that all the time. Last night we were talking about this because we have a week long vacation coming up this summer. And he likes to have a beer by the fire, not a ton just one once and awhile through the vacation. Not a lot to ask. And he should be able to do that. I told him I may not feel comfortable with that because it might trigger me. With health issues that have come up that can be scary I am really pulling from within to stay strong and keep doing what is good for me. I guess I ended up telling him dependent on all the test results would help me understand one way or another about how I feel if he drinks around me or not. If it will be a trigger or not. He understood. Told me that made sense and he can respect that. I also don't want him to resent me. He understand my thinking about this. It goes with food too. He has really stepped up the support with the food. Including making meal decisions for when we go out. Like this weekend we are going to an RV show and movies. We are making sure we have a solid plan of attack about food. I need and am going to eat right for me. And he wants to do that too, not just for me but for his own health. He is very encouraging about that. It surprises me to be honest how willing and encouraging he is with his ideas. I am very lucky/blessed he walked into my life 21 years ago.
I am feeling 95% better today. I hope I didn't get anyone else sick. My son said he felt nauseous on the way to school today. Could be because he didn't sleep well or because he has a big chemistry presentation today.
I am going to have a great weekend. I hope all you do too!