Must Be Rough If I'm Blogging
Wednesday, March 09, 2016
I'm feeling very blah today. Well, let's be real: I've been feeling pretty blah lately in general. I'm gaining weight again and hanging on to every bit of motivation/determination I can, because I don't want to wake up one day and find myself back to my heaviest weight. I hate this weight decade! This was once my goal, but when I reached it, I realized I could and should get to as healthy of a weight as I possibly could. The further away from the 200's the better. I feel bloated and tired, and am experiencing a malaise that keeps pulling a cloud over my head.
It's not just my weight. In fact, my weight may just be symptomatic of a bigger problem: I am really unhappy at my job. Yes, I thank the heavens above that I have a job. However, this job is more stressful than I feel is necessary. I'm not going to go into specifics, because it will only add fuel to the fire. I will say that one of the biggest reasons I'm staying here is for my son. This job provides a bit of flexibility and is family friendly. My little guy has developmental delays, and we have weekly appointments with his therapists, so I have to excuse myself early on those days. If everything were copacetic, I would have moved on a year or so ago, but my little guy's needs definitely matter more to me than mine (even if that means I am stuck). Besides, I don't even know what I'm really good at, which doesn't help me look for a meaningful career. Too many variables are getting in the way of my well-being.
I don't complain a lot, and especially not online, but I needed to get the feelings down in some format to really figure out what's happening internally. I need to grab my metaphorical blanket and a good book, because I'm going to be in this rut for awhile :(