MAMABEAR372
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3-14-16 (day 134)

Monday, March 14, 2016

This year seems to be flying by despite the hurdles I have had to maneuver. I can't believe we are to the middle of March already! My blood sugar has gone way down and is closer to "normal person" range and my weight is starting to drop too. Much of the weight loss is water weight from my kidneys and the antibiotics.

I have two of my son's birthday's this weekend. That means I make a cake for one and the other doesn't want cake he wants banana bread. The cake my youngest wants is orange cake with chocolate frosting. I can probably pass on that since orange is not my favorite flavor. I may accidentally dip a finger in the frosting...but it is better than a slice of cake! The banana bread my middle son wants ... I will make for him...I do like that kind of bread and will be a challenge to resist. I will tell myself it is for HIM not me. I find the differences in my sons - all three of them-- fascinating!

Yesterday my father wrote an email that upset me. Showed me he still tries to manipulate and threaten me. My husband could not believe he would be that way with me and he would support me in any decision I made. I told him he had done it all my life and I don't know if he understands what he is doing. I have talked with my father about this and how it pushes me away. I have also talked to him about how we could be closer and my needs from him along with what he may need from me as his daughter. That email and emails that followed really upset me badly. Angry crying kind of upset. I know I can only talk to him one way or it will end up bad for me. So I took some time each time I wrote back to be civilized, positive, mature, and clear. It ended on a level playing field. This time anyway. So I guess that is good. The feeling that I got inside emotionally from him doing this made me want to snack badly...angry eat! I had fruit. That is a big triumph when faced with wanting to angry eat.

Tonight I am going to do some exercises with my hubby. I look forward to that. Maybe even walk some. We will see what his mood is. I have been day dreaming the past couple days of my weight being below 170 again. It has been years (more than 13 years)! And the closest I got was a couple years ago I was 189. I am 205 today. I got a tough road ahead of me. I think if I can get below 170 I will really be feeling great! My blood sugar will most definitely be in check, my eating habits will be more stable, I will have my water intake up, activity will be easier. Sun on my face and wind at my back!

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  • MRSCAMACHO
    Relationships are hard enough to maintain without someone constantly making it worse. I'm sorry that you've experienced difficulty where your father is concerned, and I'm so encouraged by the way you handled everything! I was under 170 and now I'm crawling back up, so I completely understand where you're coming from. I absolutely know you can do this!! emoticon
    1857 days ago
  • EVIE4NOW
    I am sorry about your dad. Mine was the controlling type too and I learned to walk away.... better late then never.
    1857 days ago
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