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3-21-16 (day 141)

Monday, March 21, 2016

I need to get my blood sugars down. The weekend choices I made were not kind to me. CARBS! Other than that it was a great weekend. The kids had fun and my pessimistic middle son actually said it was the best birthday he remembers having. Not in those words, but that is what he was trying to get across, which is huge coming from him.

Food choices need to be spot on for me restarting today. I can't be having my blood sugar be as high as it is (254 fasting today). I think I will pick up some extra veggies today at the store.

The first cake is gone in our house. There are still whole wheat pancakes and banana bread that my second son requested. I need to stay away from those! Not bad for some people, but not good for me! And I know better. I only had 2 pieces of each all day and blood sugar went wonky. Saturday, I had cake...ok I admit to eating toooo much cake over Friday and Saturday. We went to go eat gyro's and I had let hubby order mind to which he ordered the mega supreme one with fries and a diet pepsi. Although tasty, I couldn't eat the gyro, gave it to him, which he ate both of ours. I ate the salad and fries that it came with. I had popcorn at the show and chips and spinach dip at the game place we went in the late afternoon. OH and the old me snuck up and bought 6 chocolate pecan pralines to which my hubby and I split as we walked around the mall looking around. I was "being good" while being BAD. I could ration it all out...except for the cake. I could say popcorn has fiber, I only got 6 pralines not a whole bag, chips and dip is better than other things I had the choice of and I only had 2 slices of banana bread and 2 whole wheat pancakes. But I know better. I am not really scolding myself because I conscientiously chose to eat these things. And I did enjoy them. But my blood sugar did not! And I know it would react that way. So I am owning my choices. Accepting the consequences, and knowing the consequences are not worth the choices I made. I am upset my will power wasn't better. I am a work in progress for that. And I have 10 days until the next birthday party I put out for my oldest son. Which has requested strawberry milk shakes, lime jello cake, and verde mole. I know I can figure out hacks to lessen the blow of these things. I can sugar free the shakes and cake and add veggies to dip with the mole which makes it safer for me. In my mind I will definitely skip the shakes for me...they can have them. The cake reminds me of my ma and I feel close to her when I eat that so that will be a difficult decision. And the mole dip is healthy and low carb the way I make it. He wants pretzels but I can eat veggies since I don't like pretzels anyway. Ah we will see how it all goes down.

I can not lie, the re-mammogram and sonogram is coming up April 19. I am scared, not just that I may be diagnosed but that it is something I have to do alone. Something where my experience is that no one will talk to me or tell me anything. And I want to know then and there what is going on, what they see. I don't have women in my life that are present for me and it is my understanding that my husband who wants to go back with me isn't allowed, just women. I am strong. I think I baffle the techs that I dealt with there by being so stone faced until I got out. In may I have my med check and blood draw. I am pretty sure I am going to fail that. Been doing a trial of different levels of meds from last time and I think that along with my choices has made my blood sugar a roller coaster. We will see though.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Glad to hear that all went well this weekend ( except for your eating). Today's a restart...I'll be with you in spirit on the 19th. I am a 2 time breast cancer survivor. I was blessed to have many who were allowed with me for it all. Think positive!!
    1852 days ago
    I'm glad all the birthdays went well this weekend. Yes, you made your choices, but like you said, you were conscious of those choices so you know how to proceed. I'm just happy you got to have fun :)

    I know I can't physically be there with you at the Dr.'s office, but I will be there for you in spirit, through thought, or however you'd like to conceptualize it. You're a very strong woman, and it's okay to be afraid of the unknown. That's pretty natural for us humans. Whatever the result, you have definitely got my support emoticon emoticon
    1853 days ago
    So glad the birthday was good for him.

    1853 days ago
    Living with a family I have learned others will eat what they want
    1853 days ago
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