Acceptance precedes real change....

at least it does for me. Until I have truly accepted something, I'm not really able to make a significant change. If I remain in denial about a situation that bothers me, and just willfully try to control it or manipulate it, I basically just spin my wheels, tire myself out, and annoy the crap out of myself and others. When I stop and get quiet and still, and work to really accept something as it is, I gain perspective. When I'm not continually try to deny the reality, or focus on how I thought it would be, or wish it was or think of how it used to be, then I set the stage for change. I grew up thinking acceptance was synonymous with approval. I eventually came to understand that to accept something means to see the facts, no matter how I may feel about those facts. For me, acceptance can be a messy, often uncomfortable situation. This applies across the board, to all areas of my life. I'll use weight as an example. Part of what I was doing when I chose to stay away from SP for awhile was accepting that I am 40-50 pounds over a comfortable weight right now. I accept that though I once lost 30some pounds I also regained all of that plus some. I accept that while my thyroid problems make losing weight more challenging, and my DNA does not help me, and my age and gender don't render it an easy task, and I have an eating disorder that makes losing weight more difficult, that despite all those very real factors, losing weight so I can lessen my physical burden, is not impossible. Not easy, not achieved by wanting or wishing, not granted by miracle via prayer, not bestowed upon me for being a good person, but possible nonetheless. I accept that for me to shed pounds and gain a bigger sense of physical freedom, I must make changes in how I eat, what I eat, when I eat, why I eat, and where I eat. I accept that eating in bed at night will feed my fatness. I accept that feeding myself a good breakfast with plenty of protein will make me stronger when the urge to eat in bed after a long, tiring, stressful day, comes calling. I accept that by tracking my nutrition on SP I am not seeking approval from the Calorie Counting Cops, I'm simply gathering facts to verify if I'm feeding my precious body enough of the right kind of fuel. I accept that eating like an undisciplined and unsupervised kid does my 56 year old body zero favors. I'm not getting away with anything and I carry the consequences with me, every moment, with every step. I accept that there's a large swath of society that judges me as "less than" because my weight is more than "they" deem acceptable. I accept that my response to that ignorant & judgmental attitude will serve me better if I challenge it, and refuse to perpetuate it rather than indulging in an "F you" rebellious binge. I accept that this is a struggle I have fought for decades & that that fact makes me sad and a bit regretful and sort of embarrassed. I accept that just giving up and giving in and declaring obesity the winner by knockout is just not in my fighting Irish nature. I accept that, for me, this battle is not just mental, emotional, and physical, it's primarily spiritual in nature. God won't strike me slender because I pray my ass off but God will provide me strength to overcome the weaker part of my nature that turns to gluttony as false comfort. I accept that taking good care of myself is my first priority because no one benefits from me mistreating or neglecting myself. And finally, I accept that working my way out of obesity and disorderly eating is not as easy as I want it to be but not as difficult as I fear it will be.