Life goes on.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
My boyfriend, of nearly one year, and I broke up yesterday. I'm super disappointed and sad and mad because I hoped for more and kept giving him chances but he's just one of those guys who, though he was faithful, can't commit to a relationship. This past month we've been talking more about our feelings and needs, I told him that I needed a relationship where j can grow and explore with and depend onmy partner, with his push/pull he wasn't giving it to me. Twice this month already he's made plans with a group and not invited me. The first time I had a lot to say but when he told me he did it last week (Sunday, he told me Tuesday) I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. He assured me he still wanted to be with me and was working through it... But I knew, I knew from all the conversations we've had and how I've gotten to know him, I knew we couldn't last and that he's not going to change. Still I held hope as we were planning a trip to Mexico next month that we could go and have fun and be good, at least for another little while... But no. Planning was giving him only anxiety, no pleasure, so he initiated the break up. I didn't argue and I didn't cry (in front of him), but this really sucks. It sucks to have out so much energy into this relationship where he said he couldn't make me the priority that I should be and, at this point in his life, he doesn't really want to change. Finally his words match his actions and, though it hurts, I can't fool myself into giving him another chance again.
For the rest of the month I want to go to a yoga class per day, so far so good (and I cried in class yesterday). I'll get back to eating regularly soon too, just now, not that hungry.
Life goes on.