I'm having trouble looking out for me.

Today is Saturday and I've now logged in to Sparkpeople for a whopping 5 days. I keep starting and stopping, starting and stopping. I really want to be able to keep going, try to put me first for a change. It isn't easy. I have two kids in their teens. The busier they are, the more they are away from home for camps or friends, the more lost I feel. I like to volunteer for the kids activities but what happens now? College is right around the corner for them. Where do I go from here? Part of my identity is in the process of changing and trying to change with it is weird and kind of awful. As a result I decided to restart my journey to health. I'm going to really need to readjust, rethink and retry everything. I know journaling works. It's worked in the past for me and then I get distracted or unmotivated. My health is at risk - my summer has been about different doctors for different things and if I change up what I'm doing - maybe I can get different results. I think if I continue to write about my day or week along with tracking food I can maybe, just maybe find myself again. I know I'm not who I see in the mirror. I'm better than what the world is seeing.