Oops, I did it again...

Yep, I fell off the wagon. Nothing new here. It seems to be my jam.

The last time I was here I had just welcomed 2 cats and a dog into my home and it has taken me months to feel like I'm not losing my mind... myself.

I got on the scale and the news wasn't good. I'm really terrified that I'm going to drop dead at 40 from a massive heart attack. I'm so very aware with how much time I spend sitting. I need to STOP. And by stop I mean GO! MOVE! Do something!

I've started using a pedometer. It has given me a little motivation to beat my step count. I'm trying to realize walking the dog isn't a chore and it should be enjoyed by both of us. It's been easier than I anticipated. I am getting back on the LOW CARB wagon. I made a deliciously exquisite pizza from cauliflower last night and eating it felt good. I just need to stop slacking and get it together. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm actually considering weight loss surgery, something I vowed I'd never do as surgery terrifies me and I saw my sister deal with a lot of complications and nearly dying after she had her surgery. My husband does not want me to get surgery either. I'd love to be thin and healthy but I feel like I need to do this the old fashioned way...but can I? Can I actually lose at least 100 lbs? I can't even get my life together long enough to lose 30 lbs. I feel like I hate myself and I need help but there is no help for me. I just need to do it already.

I'm making some promises to myself right now.

I will log in to Spark every day.
I will log every morsel of food that passes my lips.
I will drink an appropriate amount of water.
I will use my pedometer. I will walk twice a day. And if the dog can't walk for more than 15 minutes because she's just a pup, I will bring her home and continue my walk on my own.
I will use my xbox Kinect that has been collecting dust for years now and I will get moving with it.
I will aim to do yoga every day, even if just for 10 minutes because I really don't enjoy it. Or I don't think I do, because it's been so long.

This blog has no flow to it - it's just a jumble of words I guess, but it is for my own benefit this time. I just need to put it in writing so I can move forward and get somewhere.

I'm hungry and I'm unsure where to even begin now.