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Goodbye Gma

Saturday, January 07, 2017

My 95 year old gma fell on the Thursday before Christmas. She passed over on New Years Day at 3 am.

Since about the time of her fall, until I finally took the plunge and stepped on the scale again I gained 13 lbs. I comforted myself with food, and indulged in everying my tastebuds desired, that didn't have to be chewed.

We were never close. In fact as a friend of mind asked me to look back on our relationship, I realized that she was actually my first bully. The extremity of. grief was surprising, but after the second day of pretty much constant sobbing, questions were answered without being asked. Recent events that made no sense came into focus. It doesn't matter what your beliefs are about the afterlife. I felt her reach out to me. I felt us connect in a way we never could have when she was alive.

So here I am, yet again fighting my way back to spark people. The Winter 5% Challenge starts next Saturday. I am on the Determined Daisy team this time, which is appropriate. Although I keep having these stutter steps trying to get things back on track, I am determined to fight my way through this emotional barrier. I'm still down 65 lbs from last year, and that is a very good thing!

Thanks to all of those of you who keep on supporting me despite my intermittent activity! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry about the passing of your Grandma. Hugs to you my friend.

    1287 days ago
  • no profile photo CHAYOR73
    Sorry to hear about your granma, but, get yourself together and pick yourself up, life continues even in these difficult times, you're a very special person. emoticon
    1305 days ago
    Sorry for your loss but glad you connected. Congratulations on maintaining your weight loss. I'm looking forward to my first 5% challenge too - emoticon
    1307 days ago
  • ODAT1117
    I'm so sorry for your loss, Janet. No matter the relationship, it's a loss, and sometimes when there are unresolved issues it's even more of a loss. We just experienced that with my (step)father-in-law. He passed on January 2nd at age 81. We were all close to him as his step-family but he was estranged from his three sons and the rest of his blood relatives. One of his sons took to posting volumes on Facebook and in blogs to express how he had been "done" with his father for years. Well, apparently he wasn't done - not by a long shot. I think when relationships are damaged and then not readdressed, it can be an even bigger loss - the loss of what could have been, but wasn't. It is indeed all so very sad..........

    Keep working through your grief and connecting with your grandma. Remember that we are here for you, including our small and mighty OMAT team. Just keep reaching out, even when you don't want to. One day at a time.........

    1308 days ago
    I am sorry for your loss but happy for you in that gma reached out to you in a good way. I have had that happen to me with wonderful results.

    Keep on sparkin' you have done so well. Keep on doing the good spark thing.

    1308 days ago
    The motivation behind how one person treats another is not always clear. I always was trying to live up to my grandfather's expectations and when I would reach it he seemed to raise the bar higher. I asked him about this as an adult and he said he did it because he knew I could do better. It was his way of encouraging me to reach more of my potential. At the time it was happening I felt I could not please him and that I was a disappointment to him and a failure. I am glad I asked. It did not change the hurt in the past, but it made a world of difference in how I felt about myself and him.
    I am sorry that your relationship was difficult, but happy for you to have had her reach out to you and give you a sense of peace. Hugs
    1309 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12054749
    You are always supported here! You will kick those pounds to the curb!
    1309 days ago
    emoticon Sometimes the grief can be for what could have been. A lost opportunity to make it what it should have been. It is good that there was a reaching out to you in your sadness and you experienced a type of peace. Grab onto that and shake yourself off.

    I wished I had known that you changed to the Daisy's. I switched also and I am a Firecracker now. I would have requested them since I was up in the air as to what team I wanted to join. You are one of the Butterflies I miss when I switched up last challenge.

    Stay strong my SF
    1309 days ago
    Sorry for the loss of your grandma. Hang in there.
    1309 days ago
    Sorry for your loss
    1309 days ago
    I am sorry for your loss of your Grandmother. Am glad you are continuing with your journey to a 'new' year this year. Cngratulations on losing so much weight last year. This year you will again be successful!

    1309 days ago
    emoticon Sorry for your loss.
    1309 days ago
    1309 days ago
  • TERRI289
    I am sorry for your sadness. Proud of you for being ready to step up...One day at a time! HUG!
    1309 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    I genuinely believe that we can have a genetic connection to family members than runs deep no matter what the real-life emotional connection, or lack thereof. Questions of our own mortality can pop up -- I recall attending our annual family reunion in May 2002, a few months after my Mom passed (Dad passed in 1997) and was looking around at the relatives and suddenly realized my siblings and I were now the senior generation of our branch. Surreal moment while surrounded by the descendants of my Dad and his 5 brothers.

    I regained what I lost on the 5% challenge, ending the year with a net .2# loss and holding onto a 35# loss since Jan 2014. Physical injuries have pretty much nixed much physical activity so it is important that I hone in on my nutrition.

    Be kind to yourself. emoticon
    1309 days ago
    You can do it!
    1309 days ago
    She is at peace now. Take a day at a time, and get back on track. Your Gma would be proud that you are trying to get healthier. emoticon
    1309 days ago
    I'm so sorry to hear about your grama
    1309 days ago
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