Sorry, not sorry, sorry

Tuesday, February 14, 2017


I am fat. Not chubby or chunky but morbidly obese. I am closing in on 300 pounds. I need to pump the breaks. I need to lose some weight to be healthier. I need to really lose some weight because my last Disney trip the seat belt on the plane barely clipped. That would have been a nightmare.

I guess I can spend most of my time blissfully oblivious to my largeness. People love me. They love me as is-their love doesn't hinge on a number on the scale. I've never been small or thin. I will never be thin or small. I might be happy being ….less. Under 250? Maybe 220ish? The problem is lies in my love of food. I love food. Love, love, love it. As soon as I get to work I am wondering what will I eat? If I feel remotely deprived or held back I binge. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food, but how do I go about fixing that? How does food quit being the sun? How do I change decades of bad food relationships?

Part of me feels victorious. I own my home, 2 cars, I like my job, I have a great husband, 2 wonderful healthy kids and I acquired all of this while being fat as can be. I've been fat since like age 12.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I started at 299 (currently 219, and still dropping). I've had to work for a long while to get right with my relationship with food. I still LOVE it, but, I take more time preparing it and feeling like I'm pampering myself with it and savoring each and every bite.
    I can still love it at 1,300 calories a day, probably even moreso than I loved it at 3,500 calories a day because I'm paying more attention to every part of it.

    I have done all sorts of things fat and obese, but, one of my favorite things is travel. As a member of the press covering my industry, I get flown to events and get to experience a lot of neat things. BUT one trip, December of 2014, I had to ask for a seatbelt extender on the plane. And I was petrified then. What if they made me buy two seats? I'd never get to attend another event again. Why would the companies pay for two seats for one writer, when they could bring two other people in my place?
    I had a few backslides through 2015 and early 2016, but, have been at it steadily since late April of 2016 (another trip, to SF and I was WAY too winded on those hills).
    It's pretty darned empowering... and, I almost fit into a size 12 this weekend (started at 24 or 26). I hate shopping, but, my options are opening up a lot more these days.

    Sorry for babbling. I just felt so helpless about all this, and couldn't be bothered to waste energy thinking about it. But, once I realized I could do it, I just want to share the excitement with people.
    1351 days ago
    l love food look at some new healthy recipes to cook, use lots of veggies with your meals, the spark recipes are great , my husband and i love pork chops , and spark has a really good baked pork chop with gravy and mushrooms.try recipes, great flav.
    1351 days ago
    This is a special site but you will have to take the time to use it. Learn to measure and track your food. Portion sizes are our downfall. YOU are worth it!! Welcome and get on with your journey!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Happy Valentine's Day!!
    1351 days ago
    You have half the battle won with your admission of your love of food. Like you, I love food too, I had to reevaluate how to balance my love of food and the love I have for having a healthy, fit body. Tracking will help. Good luck!
    1351 days ago
    It sounds to me like you are experiencing a breakthrough of sorts. Perhaps seek professional counsel to help you find the trigger, root etc. So that you can gain control of this struggle you're having. Best of luck to you on your journey.
    1351 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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