Sorry, not sorry, sorry
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
I am fat. Not chubby or chunky but morbidly obese. I am closing in on 300 pounds. I need to pump the breaks. I need to lose some weight to be healthier. I need to really lose some weight because my last Disney trip the seat belt on the plane barely clipped. That would have been a nightmare.
I guess I can spend most of my time blissfully oblivious to my largeness. People love me. They love me as is-their love doesn't hinge on a number on the scale. I've never been small or thin. I will never be thin or small. I might be happy being ….less. Under 250? Maybe 220ish? The problem is lies in my love of food. I love food. Love, love, love it. As soon as I get to work I am wondering what will I eat? If I feel remotely deprived or held back I binge. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food, but how do I go about fixing that? How does food quit being the sun? How do I change decades of bad food relationships?
Part of me feels victorious. I own my home, 2 cars, I like my job, I have a great husband, 2 wonderful healthy kids and I acquired all of this while being fat as can be. I've been fat since like age 12.