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February 14th, 2017

Tuesday, February 14, 2017




Love this quote. I had an eye-opening weigh-in yesterday at the doctor's office...along with my blood pressure reading.

What it did for me was to wake me up a bit. I will be 44 in March. I have struggled with disordered eating since high school. I have been anorexic, bulimic, a compulsive overeater, and underweight, overweight, and now obese.

I have also struggled with depression and anxiety since I was quite young. I did not know that was what it was...but I recall the butterflies in my stomach on the drive to a swim meet at 6 years old. No 6 year old should be freaking out on the way to a swim meet...but I did. I did not share this with my parents, but I was anxious about many things. I was placed on an anti-depressant at 14 years of age. I have been on and off those...now on...since that time. 30 years of medication...give or take a few. As an almost 44 year old woman I am now aware that mental illness runs on both sides of my family. My father's side was more honest about it than my mother's side...

There are still days when I do not have to work where I struggle not to go back to bed. But, I take my medication and if I have to sleep...then I do so. My cousins and my siblings struggle with these issues as well. My weight has definitely been affected by this issue.

I did not come this far to only come this far...

We all have our own adventures in this life. Mine has been full of being able to overcome obstacles. My father died when I was 10...he was the loving and affectionate parent...
My mother married an abusive man...that caused many more years of heartbreak for myself and my siblings. I was a mother by the time I was almost 19 years old. I had two children by 22. I made it through a BSN program and moved from a small little cabin in the woods of South Dakota to a booming town in California. My marriage fell apart. I was a survivor of domestic violence after my spouse had turned to drugs and other women. I had a baby at 34. And that relationship ended as I had said no more to being emotionally abused. About 2010 my ex-spouse was indicted and I learned how to finally find forgiveness. He ended up in jail and then after two long, drawn out trials...in prison for 3 years. My third child's father also found my forgiveness and we have helped him through open-heart surgery, end-stage renal disease, and diabetes. And...here I still stand...in 2017...surviving.

As I stated...I did not come this far to only come this far. I believe most of what I have done throughout my life is to survive. This year is the year that I no longer want to be a survivor. Yes...I am appreciative that I am here. I want to live my life...and for that to occur I have to be accountable.

So...this morning...I reconnected my Aria scale to the spark people app. I am 215 lbs. I have struggled with things this past year that caused me physical pain and that intensified my non-compliance to exercise and healthy eating. Today, I commit to my daily weigh-in...for me.

I also took my blood pressure and my glucose level. I am not yet a diabetic...but could easily go there if I continue on this path. My blood pressure is 131/84; resting heart rate is 62; and my fasting blood sugar is 92. I am committing to taking those measurements daily as well. I hope to see them improve with my renewed commitment to a plan of eating and daily exercise.

I would like to lose 50 lbs. by my 2018 birthday...which oddly enough puts me at the goal weight I have chosen for myself: 165 lbs. My current BMI is 32%; my goal BMI is 24%. My 5% goal is: 11 lbs. My 10% goal is 21 lbs.

I would like to be social enough to go to the gym. I have a membership I pay for. However, I struggle with going by myself. So, for today I commit to exercising 4-5 days a week for 30 minutes.

I will track my food, I will continue to drink my water, and I will enjoy the life I am living.

Blessings.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    Great blog! You have had a rough life and have overcome a lot. To be honest, this shouldn't be nearly as challenging with what you have been through. I expect that you will conquer this too. Good luck with your goals!
    1267 days ago
  • ANGIES1234
    Wow! Other than the abuse part which I am sorry you had to endure I thought I was reading my life story. This really spoke to me and I hope and pray that you will achieve all your goals. 😙
    1267 days ago
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