the stress is taking a toll on me and so......
Friday, March 03, 2017
I love SP.
I love the support I have gotten here over the years and even the advice that is sometimes hard to take. I love the friends I have made here and those who comment on my blogs.
I love reading everyones success stories, and encouraging those who are struggling. and having those who do the same for me.
But recently I find myself focusing too much on Sp and other social media to try to work thru my thoughts.
Mentally, I am draining myself.
Yes, I am depressing myself and stressing myself and worrying myself to death about this surgery and my focus is on the way others are going to see me if I back out and I am seriously considering backing out.....
I feel like a failure for even considering that this isnt right for me after all of this.
I feel sick of my friends messaging me everyday asking how excited I am that it is so close....
I am NOT at all excited.
I am depressed and beating myself up and wishing I had never told a living soul I was even considering surgery.
I am just tired of focusing on nothing but this.
I have begun to feel like these people who are supposed to be my friends and who are supposed to care about ME, only see me as a number on a scale.
It makes me feel like I am not a good enough person for not looking a certain way. This isnt Sp that is causing this, its me, it is my own internal issue and I am unsure at this close date if WLS is the answer for me. I guess slowing down this last two weeks and no longer working, I have been at home alone alot more with nothing but my own thoughts.
I am going to take the weekend and next week off from SP.
I do love coming here, reading articles, seeing everyones blogs, etc, but for now, i need to step away from the whole weight issue and just focus on life.
Love to all you sparkers and thanks for being there with words of encouragement and even the words that say stop making excuses, etc. I just need time for me and Honey and this weekend I am going to try to find something we can do to get out of the house and leave my phone at home.