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the stress is taking a toll on me and so......

Friday, March 03, 2017

I love SP.
I love the support I have gotten here over the years and even the advice that is sometimes hard to take. I love the friends I have made here and those who comment on my blogs.
I love reading everyones success stories, and encouraging those who are struggling. and having those who do the same for me.
But recently I find myself focusing too much on Sp and other social media to try to work thru my thoughts.
Mentally, I am draining myself.
Yes, I am depressing myself and stressing myself and worrying myself to death about this surgery and my focus is on the way others are going to see me if I back out and I am seriously considering backing out.....

I feel like a failure for even considering that this isnt right for me after all of this.
I feel sick of my friends messaging me everyday asking how excited I am that it is so close....
I am NOT at all excited.
I am depressed and beating myself up and wishing I had never told a living soul I was even considering surgery.
I am just tired of focusing on nothing but this.
I have begun to feel like these people who are supposed to be my friends and who are supposed to care about ME, only see me as a number on a scale.
It makes me feel like I am not a good enough person for not looking a certain way. This isnt Sp that is causing this, its me, it is my own internal issue and I am unsure at this close date if WLS is the answer for me. I guess slowing down this last two weeks and no longer working, I have been at home alone alot more with nothing but my own thoughts.
I am going to take the weekend and next week off from SP.
I do love coming here, reading articles, seeing everyones blogs, etc, but for now, i need to step away from the whole weight issue and just focus on life.
Love to all you sparkers and thanks for being there with words of encouragement and even the words that say stop making excuses, etc. I just need time for me and Honey and this weekend I am going to try to find something we can do to get out of the house and leave my phone at home.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You will make the right decision Val, and you ARE NOT just a number on the scale!
    'They" say we have to heal the inner soul before we release our weight. A good WLS surgery program offers that support. So my advice ( and for what it is worth) it to make sure you have a good WLS support group. This isn't an easy thing to go through.!

    1330 days ago
  • GORDON66
    It's only natural that you are spending so much time thinking about the surgery. After all, it's a big deal. No matter what you decide, I wish you the best.


    1332 days ago
    As a nurse I took care of weight loss patients. Surgery can be scary, not only for the recovery but emotionally. Not sure what kind of weight loss surgery you are planning to have but life after surgery can be very different . Life changes can be hard to accept even if they are for the good. I have just been able to get back to walking a little after 2 years of physical rehabilitation following an accident. Being retired now and having everything change in my life has been very upsetting but I am adjusting. Don't have surgery if it is not something you feel you can adjust to. If it is gastric bypass or some such surgery you need to be emotionally ready for the challenges afterwards. Best wishes for the decision you make.
    1332 days ago
  • CHRISSAY1968
    Tough decision but you will make the right one. Best of luck
    1332 days ago
    You will make the right decision for you! Hugs! And if you go with the surgery on Tuesday, I hope all goes well for you. Wishing you the best and most of all peace!
    1332 days ago
    Best of luck with your very tough decision.
    1332 days ago
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